Too quick to connect?

Dear Amy: I am a 45-yearold divorced woman with a fairly active social media presence.

After my divorce, I dated someone with no social media, so it was easy.

After that ended, I met someone through a friend. He immediately suggested we connect on Facebook.

We’ve been out quite a few times and it’s been great, but he’s dating other people. That’s fine, and I’m open to seeing other people too.

I’m not even sure of my feelings for him, but seeing posts about his dates and his active social life makes me uncomfortable.

I can tell who else he’s dating from his posts. It makes me curious and jealous in a way that I don’t like.

What do people do about social media when they’re dating but not settled?

Should I mute him? Not connect with people on social media until the relationship is serious?

How do I protect myself from myself?

Socially Confused

Dear Confused: Your guy is using Facebook like a seventh-grader (not that kids now use FB), and it’s triggering you to react like a seventh-grader.

You know the truism about STDs: When you’re sleeping with one person, you’re sleeping with all the people they’ve slept with.

Facebook is like that. When you connect on social media with someone you’re dating, you become tangentially connected with everyone they’re dating.

I think it’s wisest to use social media as the millennials I know do: Lock it down. Be judicious about what you post and private about your sharing circles.

Mute or hide his posts. If you want, you can check him out when you’re curious or in the mood (no drunkscrolling allowed).

In the future, it might be best not to dive into a Facebook connection early on.

This is the best way to save you from yourself. It also saves you having to go through the whole “unfriending ” process later on, if things don’t work out.

Dear Amy: My wife and I were friends with a couple for more than 40 years. The wife died and we remained close with the husband.

He started dating and met a woman whom he wanted us to meet.

The four of us met for dinner and then had dessert at our home.

During the evening we asked questions of the guest about children, travel, life experiences, interests, etc. However, the woman never asked us anything during the several hours together, and this is a red flag for us.

He wants us to share his new friend with us, but we are hesitant to engage again.

How do we handle this? Try another evening?

Concerned Friend

Dear Concerned: I agree that not showing any interest in others is a big red flag. But consider this: After your evening together, his date might have asked, “What’s with all the questions? Why the third degree?”

This woman might have felt overwhelmed and was doing her best to keep up by answering in a way that would endear and impress you.

I always think that a good ice breaker to prompt a newly dating couple is, “Tell us the story of how you met.” This usually involves both parties trading back and forth, and details about their lives start to spill out.

I hope you’ll give her another chance to relax into a more natural give-and-take.