Cancer sinks cruise plans
Dear Amy: I was planning to go on a cruise with a good friend next month.
I paid a $900 deposit to guarantee the cruise for both of us, nine months in advance.
It was understood that my friend and I would split the total cost of the cruise 50/ 50. This includes the deposit and the remaining $2,000 due, plus any related costs.
Last month I discovered I had cancer. I need to begin a chemotherapy regime. No cruise for me. Since the dates were already reserved (thanks to the deposit), I asked my friend if she wanted to take another person and go on the cruise without me.
She said no, and that she only wanted to go with me.
I canceled the cruise, losing the $900 deposit (no travel insurance).
My friend had never paid me her half of the deposit because we were going to settle up after the cruise ended.
She has said nothing (despite broad hints on my part) about paying her half of the $900 deposit, apparently assuming that the loss was my fault (which it was).
Should I just confront her about the $450?
Assuming my cancer will be in remission, she has suggested reserving another cruise for the two of us in October 2024.
Because of the $450 issue, I find I’m reluctant to do anything further with her. How do I handle this?
Feels Betrayed
Dear Feels Betrayed: It’s hard to think of cancer as something that is your “fault,” but you’ve accepted responsibility that your cancer treatment has forced you to cancel these plans.
Reimbursing you for half of the deposit would have been the decent thing to do. Your friend could have used her half of the deposit (as well as yours) by accepting your offer for her to enjoy the cruise with someone else. Instead of broadly hinting, you could ask her, outright: “Are you willing to reimburse me for your half of the deposit?”
If she wants to go on another cruise with you, let her plan it and pay the deposit. She will then bear the financial risk you faced.
Given how this has turned out, it would be wisest for you two to each pay your own way separately — from the deposit onward.
Dear Amy: My friend “Harry” is an alcoholic.
A few years ago he ended up in the hospital facing organ failure due to his drinking. Amazingly, he survived.
After that, he attended a few AA meetings via Zoom. He never got a sponsor or actively worked the program.
Recently, a friend told me that Harry said it probably would be OK for him to drink a glass of “good” wine.
My friend told Harry that this wasn’t a good idea.
I was shocked to hear that Harry is considering drinking again.
He got sober before, but it lasted for only a couple of years.
I feel like I should say something to him, but is this any of my business?
Caring Friend
Dear Caring: Extend and continue your friendship with Harry by spending time with him, if possible, and by keeping in touch with him.
You couldn’t control him when he was drinking, and you can’t control him now. His sobriety is his business.
If he expresses his theory on “good wine” to you, ask him, “Based on what you’ve learned in AA, what do you think you should do? What does your sponsor say?”
Encourage his sobriety. Urge him to stay the course.