Serious reaction to allergy

Dear Amy: My husband and I were thrilled recently to have the opportunity to leave town for one night. My parents offered to watch our 4-year-old son for the 24 hours we were gone. My folks live locally and have spent a lot of time with their grandson, but they’ve never done the overnight thing before.

We left our folks prepared with premade meals, and we were confident that everything would be fine.

Just after we arrived at our destination (a four-hour drive) we got a call from my sister, who said that our son had been taken to the ER because of an allergic reaction to peanuts.

My parents know about our son’s nut allergy. We do have peanut butter in the house, but after discovering this allergy a couple of years ago, we of course never give him peanuts in any form.

We raced home. My sister was at our house with our son. He was fine and in bed. My parents had gone home.

I called them the next morning and my dad told me he had given our son peanut butter on a cracker “as a snack.” I would have been completely understanding if he had told me they’d forgotten about the allergy, but he didn’t say that. He said basically that he “didn’t believe” in this allergy and he didn’t think it would be a big deal.

We are livid. We don’t like to use access to our child to punish our folks, but given that they haven’t apologized, we decided to “take a break” from having our son spend time with them, including on Christmas.

We don’t want to overreact or make everything worse, and we’re both wondering what you think.

Appalled Parents

Dear Appalled: So far, your reaction to this emergency seems proportional.

I wonder why your parents won’t simply admit to having made a mistake and showing relief that your son is OK. I assume they are embarrassed and prideful. And now they are behaving like children — hiding under their blanket, rather than admit their mistake.

I suggest you pay them a visit in order to clarify what happened. They really need to demonstrate that they understand this risk and will never repeat their mistake. They should apologize to you, your husband and your son (“I’m so sorry — I didn’t mean to hurt you”).

I don’t think your folks are competent enough to be with him overnight, but I hope you can move on.

Dear Amy: My wife and I went to a casual dinner party. We barely knew the hosts and we didn’t know the other guests (around 10). We introduced ourselves and after we ate, we gathered in little groups and were chatting. It was nice!

That’s when the host pulled out a karaoke machine and fired it up. He and a couple of others started singing, very loudly, into an amplified mic that he was passing around. It was loud and abrupt. No one could maintain any conversation.

After the first song, I turned to my wife and whispered: “We have early workdays tomorrow, so maybe we should go.”

She told me this was rude. We waited for two or three more songs and then said goodnight.

Do you think I was rude?

Dear Pitched: Enforced karaoke is my idea of social torture, so I guess the question is how long you must tolerate something you loathe in order to exit politely on a school night. I’d say that three choruses of “My Heart Will Go On” would do it.