How to be a community elder

Re “What I’ve learned about living alone after losing my wife of 42 years,” Opinion, March 15

Bruce Wexler is obviously gifted as a veteran writer. He can claim the role of elder and begin “eldering” with others in his community by giving his gift away in writing workshops.

Eldering is a two-way street. Both Wexler’s life and those of younger people will be enriched through intergenerational dialogue.

Younger people sometimes kvetch to me: “Where are the elders? When we need elders, we can’t find them.” Answer their call.

One answer to loneliness is conscious eldering. Wexler’s departed wife sounds like a delightful life partner. I have a hunch that she would encourage him to take his gift into the world and start giving it away.

Don Kilhefner

Los Angeles

I lost my wife after 55 years of marriage in August. Wexler perfectly expressed the feelings I have experienced since then.

Grief groups do help some, but hearing others struggling with the same issues I am facing somehow makes it more real and less comforting. The thought of dating is just beyond possible right now.

The one thing that has helped me somewhat is the embrace of Stoic philosophy, understanding that everything in life is part of nature’s plan, and living a moral life is something I can control.

Randy Sultan

Los Angeles

My wife of 40 years died in October. This is the first time that I have been alone.

I decided to make immediate changes in my life. I joined a grief group and realized that I will have this loss for my entire life, so I became active.

I joined the Plato Society where there are sessions on intellectual topics, the Sierra Club for hiking and a beginner’s square dance class, which I dropped.

Soon, I start a beginner’s ceramics class.

I am blessed with a support group of family and friends. Surprisingly, I am not lonely, as my days are full, and I am optimistic about the future. Peter Blau

Venice