He’s ready for retirement
Dear Amy: I retired from a very stressful job three years ago. I usually worked 50 to 60 hours a week.
My wife was able to quit work about 25 years ago, staying home to finish raising our son.
She is amazing, and though we have been able to afford outside help, she took care of the house and cooked most of our meals. We shared yard work about 50/ 50, but she ended up doing more because gardening became an almost full-time hobby for her — she is a master gardener.
When we had water leaks in the house, she learned how to repair and redo a lot of damaged sheetrock.
She took care of the bills and almost everything that needed doing in our life. She did not seem stressed, but I know she worked hard.
Since retirement I’ve picked up a few duties around the house, but she probably still does about 60% inside and 75% outside.
We both have hobbies and friends.
I have suggested we downsize from our rather large house and large yard, but she does not want to.
I suggested hiring cleaning help years ago (even before I retired), but she does not want that.
She does not complain often about my limited contributions but when she does, she cannot understand why I don’t find yard work as fulfilling as she does.
I am not bitter about our arrangement, but now I want to enjoy my retirement.
We’re in our late 60s and have the time and energy now to enjoy our life.
If I want to avoid working around the house 25 to 30 hours a week, am I wrong?
Again, she won’t accept outside help or downsizing, both of which I am for.
Probably Lazy
Dear Probably Lazy: If you want to spend less time planting roses and more time smelling them, do it!
Your wife should also spend this phase of life doing what she wants to do.
She’s a gardener. What looks like work to you might be a great joy for her.
You two should have a sitdown meeting where you agree to assess where you are and discuss where you are headed. This should be the first of many conversations about your future.
What does retirement look like for a hyper-competent, drywall-hanging worker bee? Ask your wife!
Many house-proud people resist outside help.
Would she be willing to hire someone to handle the mowing (or house cleaning) for a month to see how it goes?
Dear Amy: My fiancée and I are getting married this fall. We are excited, our families are excited, and our planning is chaotic but coming together.
When I learn that someone is getting married, I congratulate them, but I’ve never asked if I was going to be invited to the wedding.
We’ve had several people greet our news by asking, “Are you guys going to invite me to the wedding?”
Most of these people are in our more distant circles, and a couple of them definitely will not be invited.
We don’t really know how to respond. Your thoughts? Groom to Be
Dear Groom: “Are you going to invite me” is slightly different from “Will you invite me?” At least they aren’t outright asking to be invited.
At this point, you should respond: “We’re still in the planning stages and are wrestling with our numbers, but we’ll send out save-thedate notices next month.”