Gaming sons’ upbringing

Dear Readers: I value hearing back from people who have had their questions published here. I’m curious about how people dealt with their dilemmas, and I wonder whether my advice was useful.

I’m happy to publish this update to a question published in 2012. The update follows the original Q&A.

Dear Amy: My husband and my father are both video gamers. A new version of their favorite game just came out, and I became aware that it is rated M-Mature by the Entertainment Software Rating Board.

They believe it is perfectly acceptable for our boys, 4 and 6, to watch and play this game.

I equate an M rating as equivalent to watching an Rrated movie and am insistent that the boys cannot watch or play this game.

They are arguing that the kids have played previous versions, also rated M (unbeknownst to me), therefore no harm is being done.

The kids are now angry at me for pulling the plug.

Am I overreacting? Should I allow “limited” playing?

Unplugged Mom

Dear Unplugged: Did your husband and your father start their recreational lives as very young children playing violent video games intended for adults?

I’m going to guess not. I presume that when they were children, these older men exercised their imaginations and bodies the oldfashioned way — in the backyard, on the ball field, or down the block in the neighborhood.

Don’t they want the same for these kids?

I completely agree with you. Your children are way too young to play (or watch others play) these games.

It would be great if your kids had a dad and granddad who cared enough about them to get off the couch and take them outside to engage in play that is truly interactive.

The number of letters I receive from parents of teens and young adults (mostly male, frankly), anguished over the hours, money and effort spent on video gaming, would persuade any parent to delay this activity — or at least offer younger children something that is ageappropriate.

These adults, who are basically co-opting the kiddies in order to do battle with you, are also providing an example of adolescent gamesmanship.

The kids should be left entirely out of this while the adults hash things out.

For more information on the Entertainment Software Rating Board’s rating system (including helpful tips on how families can discuss this important issue), check ESRB.org. It includes information on how to install parental controls on various branded gaming systems.

It sounds as if you could use some “grandparental” controls too.

Dear Amy: Here’s my update. Twelve years on, I’m happy to report that after paring down our sons’ exposure to video games and eliminating the Mature material, both grew into solid, well-adjusted young men.

Both enjoy gaming with their father and grandfather but have many friends, hobbies and sport activities.

I was worried I would raise social deviants due to the gaming influence but realized it was about balance.

Our oldest is soon heading to college on a full-ride merit scholarship with his gaming computer in tow.