The runner who oversteps

Dear Amy: My wife is an avid runner and usually runs on the weekends with a group of regulars.

Recently a man entered the group, and he reaches out to her a lot. This started with questions about running, but seems to have morphed into other areas.

She is completely open, shows me everything, and often brings up to him that she has plans with her husband and kids. He then glosses right over this information and basically seems to be pretending that we don’t exist.

I am not at all concerned about my wife’s behavior, but I’m a guy, she’s amazing, and I have a weird sense about this.

I’m not sure how to approach this weirdness. Do you have a suggestion?

Hapless Husband

Dear Hapless: Talk to your wife about this, and ask her how she feels about this texting contact. Is it annoying or intrusive?

And then tell her, honestly, that it bothers you. Don’t make a big deal about it, and don’t insist that she needs to block him, but tell her: “I’m a guy, you’re amazing, and I think he’s into you. This concerns me because I’m a guy, you’re amazing, and I’m definitely into you.”

Dear Amy: I am a 62-yearold man needing advice regarding my daughter and 11year-old granddaughter, who live across the country.

Eighteen months ago, I flew out to visit. My granddaughter and Ihad a great time.

Feeling a reconnection, with my daughter’s blessing, I purchased her a cellphone so we could stay in touch.

After the trip, I tried to reach out, only to be ghosted by my granddaughter.

I brought this up with my daughter, who said my granddaughter is quite busy and perhaps we could arrange for a monthly Zoom meeting. I envisioned oneon-one talks with this child, as I felt a growing bond.

My daughter obviously wanted to supervise the calls, which I thought was controlling. She mailed me the phone back with a nasty letter. This upset me greatly.

It has been 18 months with no contact.

Our relationship has always been strained due to my divorce 25 years ago, but it was a fantastic visit, so I am at a loss, Amy. I go with the flow and am not a curmudgeon in any way. Any advice?

Distant Grandpa

Dear Distant: This visit went very well. But you live across the country. To your granddaughter, you are a nice old man whom she doesn’t know very well.

I don’t know of many adolescents who would be able to forge a one-on-one relationship with a distant grandfather over the phone. Kids generally prefer texting. Texting photos and funny memes back and forth would have been a good way to establish a connection.

Your daughter’s suggestion for a regular Zoom meeting was a great one.

Your immediate assumption that she wants to “monitor” your contact is off-base. Most parents know that kids this age don’t easily dive into relationship-building; the parent’s presence on the video chat helps to move things along.

You have put a ton of pressure on this single visit to build one relationship and heal another, but even close and functioning families go through rough patches and miscommunications.

I hope you’ll keep trying to connect, and not take things so personally as you go.