Not in step with hothead

Dear Amy: I have been walking buddies with a neighbor for 12 years. We walk about once a week.

While I usually enjoy our time, there have been unsettling emotional outbursts from her, crying or screaming about something.

She has even yelled at me personally. I admit I have yelled back once or twice — and I am not proud of it. It’s out of character for me to behave that way, and I really hate it when I allow myself to be reduced to that level.

I could look past these incidents because I enjoy our walks, the communication and laughs. But last week she screamed at me again.

She was trying to tell me something that was bothering her about a neighbor. I was unable to follow her train of thought, so I asked her for clarification more than once.

She screamed at me to stop “correcting” her. I stopped in my tracks. I asked what was wrong with her. Again, she yelled that I was correcting her.

I was fuming. I said I’d had enough, and began walking the other direction.

Suddenly, she backtracked and said, “Oh, I’m over it!”

I said, “I’m not.”

The drama makes me uncomfortable. Even if she does reach out now (weeks later), I think it’s too late. I have no problem ending this friendship now.

We live in the same neighborhood, however, and it’s possible I will run into her. I have two questions: What should I say if I run into her and she asks if I’m “over it”?

And, since we have mutual friends who may hear about the incident and ask questions, what should I tell them? I don’t want to talk behind her back, but I also want to clarify my standing.

Tired of Screamers

Dear Tired: If you want to keep this drama going, by all means, clarify your standing with mutual friends.

If you’re asked about it, you might say, “She raised her voice to me, so we’re going our separate ways.”

This neighbor might have a cognitive health problem, or perhaps she is perennially hot-headed. Her outbursts could relieve whatever pressure she feels building up inside her and afterward, yes, she would likely feel better.

She will not apologize. “I’m over it” might be the closest she can get.

When you encounter her again, be cordial and calm. You could tell her: “I don’t like being yelled at. Our conflicts make me very uncomfortable, so I’ve decided to keep my distance.”

Dear Amy: I’ve been seeing/sleeping with “Curtis” off and on for a few months in what I’d call a nonmonogamous sort of “friends with benefits” relationship.

Sometimes we hang out, sometimes we go out, but we are not “a couple.”

I’m fine with this, and I thought he was too.

Recently, Curtis told me he was going to start seeing someone else, also casually.

Now I’m feeling weird and possessive. I don’t want him to be exclusive to me, but I don’t want things to change. I don’t want him to do this.

Do you think it’s OK for me to tell him this?

At Odds

Dear At Odds: If you can have sex with someone, then surely you can be brave enough to initiate a conversation. I think it’s always OK to tell someone how you feel, and I hope you will.

But you also need to accept that life equals change.

All involved need to make sure that all of this casual sex is also safe.