Partner’s online gaming leads to more

DEAR AMY » My significant other (of 20 years) has had what I consider an emotional affair with a girl he met online a couple months ago, playing an online spaceship game.

He swears that it is nothing, and I’m blowing things out of proportion, and she’s “just a friend.”

I happened to use his phone as a flashlight one night recently, and it was left open, revealing a “chat” session between them.

He lied to her about buying things for me (although he is currently unemployed) and told her he loved her.

Those words bother me greatly, and he continues to say it is nothing.

He has broken plans with me to play other (exclusive) games with her, and if I join his group of friends to play, he shares inside jokes with her while

I’m there and he ignores me.

I am trying to decide if this should be a deal breaker, as he refuses to see my side, or that it hurts me to hear that “I love you” is apparently a meaningless phrase to him, that I thought was used for me and his very longtime friends.

How can I approach this subject with him so he actually hears my concerns, or should I just end things now and cut my losses?

— Confused and Hurt

DEAR CONFUSED » At the risk of being obvious, I wonder if playing online “spaceship” games is the best use of your (unemployed) guy’s time.

I don’t think his online friendship is necessarily a deal breaker for your impressively long relationship, but it might be one more symptom of a larger problem between you. If your guy is depressed and floundering, he is vulnerable and looking for other ports in his personal storm.

This is about being too immature or self-involved to recognize how his behavior affects and hurts his partner’s feelings.

You’ve staked out your positions, but for your relationship to survive, you both should regroup and discuss ways to come together.

DEAR AMY » In the question from “Upset and Embarrassed,” the writer — a nurse — mentioned that her coworkers had bullied her as a “lunch lady.”

Amy, thank you for taking the opportunity to defend and offer respect to lunch ladies! We work in the school, interact with students when we can, and — most importantly — we feed children.

DEAR LUNCH LADY » My brief tribute to “lunch ladies” was wellearned, and completely sincere. Thank you for what you do.