Estrangement follows police `wellness check'

DEAR AMY >> We are a family of seven siblings, all in our 60s.

My brother “Brian” and sisterin-law lost their teenage daughter to a sudden medical event in 2014.

Brian, his wife and two surviving children have been rocked to the core, and have sought individual and peer support grief counseling. They continue to manage with grace.

In 2017, our sister “Susan” (who lives across the country) called Brian on a day he was feeling deeply sad.

Otherwise, it was a normal day — his son was helping to pack Brian's car for the work trip he was taking that afternoon, and neighbors were clustered on the sidewalk, participating in a local gardening project.

Susan contacted another sister, “Stella,” with concerns that Brian was suicidal. Without contacting Brian, his wife, anyone else in the household, or any other local family members or neighbors, Stella phoned the local police for a “wellness” check. She alerted the authorities that our brother, a hunter, owns guns.

The police showed up, guns locked and loaded — and wearing flak vests. They handcuffed Brian in front of his neighbors, put him in a squad car, and took him to the local ER, where his RN daughter was working in the ICU.

He passed the ER evaluation and was home within hours but missed his flight for the work trip.

Brian was furious with these two sisters for launching this intervention. Susan and Stella have subsequently not talked to him or anyone else in the family for five years.

They demand an apology for having saved our brother's life.

They accuse us all of “triangulation” for not supporting their decision. It has impacted every possible family event.

Can't sadness and parental grief and despondency be discussed, managed, and supported, without launching a paramilitary response?

— Surviving Sister

DEAR SURVIVING >> Your two sisters misread and overreacted to your brother's situation in the moment, and I agree that they have handled things very badly, especially in the aftermath of this episode.

It's ironic that they both cared so much for your brother's welfare, and they are reacting to their own actions by not caring at all for his welfare now.

They might have said to “Brian”: “We were panicking. We had no idea of what the police response would be, and we feel terrible for putting you through additional trauma and strain. We're so sorry!”

Instead, they are doing what people who feel cornered by their mistakes often do: They are doubling down.

Because you are the one who wrote to me, I think you should make an effort to reach out to these sisters — on your own and representing only your point of view.

Brian, of course, gets to make his own choice regarding any contact with these sisters.