Friend is uncomfortable with overshares

DEAR AMY » “Sandy” and I are close friends from college. Our friend group has stayed close, despite living in different states.

We have a group text chat, and occasionally get together.

Recently, Sandy has been going through a rough patch after a painful divorce.

She is something of an “influencer” on social media and has been sharing all of her personal experiences about her mental health journey publicly.

I feel conflicted about the disparity between her public sharing and the lack of openness within the very safe space of our close-knit group.

While I understand that social media is her chosen outlet, I don’t understand why she would do this instead of confiding in a group of people who actually know her well.

I’m very private and find it strange when others overshare on social media.

Additionally, Sandy hasn’t initiated any conversation with me in a long time.

I have very young children at home and a demanding work schedule. I often feel drained and unable to manage it all — however I refrain from airing these issues publicly and only share these things within our friend group.

Should I reach out to Sandy and note her recent posts, asking how I can support her? If the answer is yes, how can I handle my frustration over her choices?

Some people use social media to basically tip out their emotional dumpster and publish their every thought, feeling, and latest meal.

This can seem extremely indiscreet — or even performative — because of the way this rakes in a lot of sympathy or commiseration from followers.

You don’t like this, but some people do. Having access to another person’s struggles can inspire other social media users to feel less alone.

“Sandy” has found her outlet. She may find that her public openness enables her to be more present for her close personal friends. She is venting to a crowd; consequently she is freeing up real estate in your group chats.

You might be baffled by her choices, but harshly judging her won’t help either of you. She’s sharing her frustrations and challenges publicly on social media, while you’re sharing yours with the people who read this column.

Yes, reach out to Sandy privately to check in, but do not accuse her of oversharing.

She is broadcasting using her preferred channels; you should respond using yours.