Parents still in the dark about sibling’s sexual abuse
DEAR ABBY: I was sexually abused by a sibling for 10 years during my childhood. I never told anyone what happened to me until I confided in my fiance after we were engaged. I have gone through counseling sessions and am at a place in my life where I am happy and healthy.
Currently, I have a relationship with my parents, but not with my sibling. My parents often express their wish for me to have a relationship with my sibling, but I always refuse. I feel that telling them what happened at this point would only cause hurt for them. But I also feel that if I tell them, I can stop getting asked u n c o mfort a b l e questions. What do you suggest? – SURVIVOR IN SOUTH DAKOTA
DEAR SURVIVOR: I suggest you tell your parents everything. It’s something you should have done years ago. Do not worry about hurting them. Once they have all the facts, they will understand why you want nothing to do with your sibling and stop pushing you to have a relationship with your abuser, and that’s the goal.
** DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a man for five years, and we are deeply in love. We want to spend the rest of our lives together, but it bothers me that he wants to go into the military for three to five years. He says he wants me to wait for him, but three to five years seems like a lifetime to me. I can’t help but feel like he is prioritizing his desire to serve his country over me and years of our life together. – CIVILIAN IN THE EAST
DEAR CIVILIAN: It would be interesting to know how old you and your boyfriend are. I assume you are both young and graduating from high school.
This is not necessarily a question of where his priorities lie. While three to five years seems like a large chunk of time, the military may provide your boyfriend with the chance to decide what he wants to do career-wise with his life.
It would also provide benefits that could positively affect his future – and yours – once his term of service is finished. If you feel unable to wait for him, you should let him go.
** Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www. Dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.