A mother’s anguished voice does not go unnoticed

Ms. Mendoza, there is so much pain, suffering, and lonely anguish in your recent letter to the editor surrounding the tragic loss of your son Matthew to gang violence (by Carina Michelle Mendoza, Feb. 4, Re: Son’s Murder). It should not, and must not, go unnoticed.

It forced me to redirect, to refocus, away from our collective struggles associated with the pandemic as the Yuba County Superintendent of Schools. As I’ve written in the past, the Creator has a way of refocusing our perspective when we least expect it -- but when we need it the most. Your letter touched me deeply and profoundly.

The devastating tragedy you have experienced serves witness to the depth of depravity that some individuals are capable of. As for justice, rest assured that these individuals will be held to account, maybe not by a swift judicial system, but from the deadly and self-inflicted agony and unpredictable violence they will surely bring into their own families and bestow on their loved ones. The demon of gang violence must have its due, and it claims allegiance to no one.

In my own life’s journey, I have witnessed such ugliness that comes from gangs. I have known the helplessness and hopelessness of a family who has suffered unrelenting gang intimidation and retaliation (including assaults on their wheelchair-bound child), to the vengeful killing of a pregnant woman defending her farmworker husband. In my own life, I have come to know such senseless horror.

I recall listening years ago to the painful reflections of two fathers who, like you, were trying to find some sense of inner peace after gang violence crashed into their lives. One was the father of a 17 year-old son murdered while innocently delivering pizzas. The other was the father of the gang member who committed the murder. His senses of remorse and guilt were unfathomable and intractable.

And of hearing the father who had lost his son share how he was finally able to begin to put his life back together (and that of his family) and move forward after years of deep and unrelenting anguish. As best as I can recall, he tearfully spoke “I finally accepted that in order for my beautiful boy to ascend into the other world, into a place called heaven, I had to let him move on. In my heart, I came to realize that my years of prolonged and crushing grief were keeping him on this earth.”

Clearly, this was his own way of finally finding some sense of peace. I hope that you may find your own peace within your shattered world, in whatever shape it may take. Indeed, your profound and everlasting love for Matthew bears witness that he will always reside in your heart, that every morning when you awake your first thoughts will be of him, and of embracing him for eternity as a loving mother embraces her little boy.

While you may question, even apologize, for the path your letter took, for me your pain and message were crystal clear. Please know that your letter will most assuredly save lives. Parents will hold their own children tighter and closer. As a parent, I thank you from my corazón and hope and pray that you may find that elusive inner peace – a healing that may come from remembering the beauty and joy that Mathew brought into your lives. Indeed, never forgetting how he died, but also celebrating how he lived. With respect.