Long marriage becomes abusive over time
DEAR ABBY: My husband’s dad, “Adam,” is very mellow and can talk to anyone. His mom, “Eve,” is friendly, but a little more reserved.
Early in their marriage, Adam was a drinker, and my mother-in-law has never forgiven him for the way he treated her during that time. She has always treated him disrespectfully, but as they get older, it’s becoming worse.
She has hit Adam when we had people over because he didn’t do what she told him to do. I told her to stop, and my husband told her she embarrassed him, but Eve forgets or doesn’t care and continues to do it. She talks down to him constantly. If that’s how she acts when people are around, I hate to think what happens behind closed doors.
When she hits him, Adam sits there expressionless and doesn’t react. He’s not the man he once was, and he is adored by many people. What can we do to help
by Bigar
(March 21-April 19): Community issues and concerns may take you by surprise. An online meeting or town hall will clarify the situation. Offer your assistance, but only allot time you can spare. Prepare for a visit from out-of-town relatives. Tonight: Share music recommendations.
(April 20-May 20): Keep an eye open for garage sales. Think about organizing one of your own. It is not easy to let go of items that have sentimental value. A friend not attached to your possessions can start the process. Tonight: Practical chores.
(May 21-June 20): Throw modesty to the wind. Toot your own horn and show off an accomplishment or milestone. Shop with a friend at a local or online mall. Go a little crazy but don’t break the bank. Tonight: An indulgent meal.
(June 21-July 22): Put your money where your mouth is. Try your hand at that artistic endeavor you’ve been doing in dribs and drabs. A class or instructor will allow you to finesse your talent. Show off what you’ve done. Tonight: Lazy evening.
(July 23-Aug. 22): Streamline membership organizations for which you pay monthly dues. Eliminate those whose meetings you do not attend and whose publications you do not read. Join an alumni online group and track down classmates with whom you lost touch. Tonight: Exercise video.
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your need to be in charge serves you well. Present your vision tactfully to people with whom you work or volunteer. Given your powers of persuasion, they will embrace your ideas and weave them into a current project. Tonight: Romantic plans.
(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Declutter your home office or the room where you go online. Clear shelves of books you won’t read again. Donate them to a charity that makes house calls. Save the space for reference materials that are not digital. Tonight: Group dancing.
(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Competing gets your juices flowing. Ask your children and grandchildren to show you how to play the latest brain teasers. Organize a friendly game night between multiple generations. Stock up on finger foods and have fun. Tonight: Movie night.
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Avoid a debate with someone whose ideas you will never change. Forge a new bond with someone who shares your ideas about my FIL and make her stop doing this in front of her grandkids and company?
Eve claims to be a Christian, but isn’t acting like one. – FRUSTRATED IN MICHIGAN
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your father-inlaw may have had a drinking problem years ago, but he has a different problem now. He is a victim of verbal and physical abuse. He may have tolerated it all these years out of guilt for what he put his wife through when he was drinking. He may also have become so beaten down that he can no longer protect himself.
He does need help. With your and his son’s encouragement, he can receive it because there are programs available for male victims of domestic violence. Stop Abuse for Everyone (SAFE) is an organization that helps abused individuals of all ages, genders, races and sexual orientations. The website is stopabuseforeveryone.org.
Astrology
love and life. Take things slowly, and your connection is more likely to blossom. Tonight: Select new podcasts.
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You could be affected by a sad story, so keep tissues handy. You will feel the urgency to do something altruistic. Consider adopting a rescue animal from a shelter, or post photos of furry friends in need. Tonight: Gossip with friends.
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Enjoy the fresh air. Take a detour on a daily walk or run. Visit a local museum or gallery. If there aren’t any nearby, then go online. The world of art is at your fingertips. Tonight: Step up your fitness routine.
(Feb. 19-March 20): Let people you love know how much you appreciate them. Prepare a favorite meal, give them compliments or buy a gift mentioned in passing. Plan a get-together with friends who are part of your extended family. Tonight: Book club.