Girlfriend worries about man’s possible offspring

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I met and started dating 10 years ago. After about four years, during a very turbulent and toxic time in our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, his response was very cold, and we separated. I terminated the pregnancy, as my life was in shambles and I had no way to even carry a child to term.

We reconciled after a year and now have a happy family with our son and another on the way. A woman he had been seeing during that time became pregnant, and her son looks identical to my boyfriend’s childhood pictures. I have never talked to him about this. But I find it very painful to think that one day my children and the child of the woman will learn of each other through ancestry testing or some other way.

Should I speak with him about my suspicion and fear of the pain for our children? Should I consult a therapist to try to cope with this fear before addressing him or try to move past it on my own? -FEARING THE FUTURE

DEAR FEARING: Discuss this with your boyfriend privately, at a time when you are both calm and relaxed. If you feel you need the emotional support of a therapist in order to work up the courage to do that, by all means do so. Because of DNA testing, the scenario about which you’re concerned may very well happen, so it’s wise to be prepared in advance. But please don’t worry about causing your children “pain.” If they aren’t made aware of the other child, their reaction is more likely to be one of surprise. Because DNA “reunions” are becoming more common, it’s less of a scandal than it was years ago.