Treasuring times with children is important
“Mary kept these things, and pondered them in her heart…”
When I was a young pastor in Wheatley, Ark., one of our church ladies hailed me on the street one day, reminding me that Mother’s Day was soon to come and asking me not to brag too highly on the mothers that day. She said, when you set us up too high, we feel bad because we know we don’t measure up to all those high ideals.
She made me realize that even when we intend to come across as appreciative and encouraging, we may instead lay on a heavy load of guilt and failure by expecting every mother to be a Super-Mom, one who must excel in everything. Our hope for Mother’s Day is to be encouraging and appreciative, recognizing that mothers are very human, but that they play a momentous role, along with fathers, in the well-being of their children and families, and in the life of the Family of God.
In this column I want to consider Mary, the mother of Jesus, especially to look at a quality in Mary’s life that is much to be commended in all the women and men who take on the responsibility of being parents. In Luke 2:19, following the eventful visit of the shepherds to the stable where Jesus was born, it is said of Mary, His mother, that she “kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” Some Bible translations describe this quality in Mary as “a treasuring up” of remembered experiences with her child Jesus, and that she “often meditated on these things” in her heart. Mary sensed from the beginning that in her child, God was showing his great purpose and grace and love. She didn’t always immediately understand all that took place, but she continually sought to attend to “these things” so as to gain understanding and wisdom and appreciation for the importance of her tasks and relationships as a godly parent. In all these things the Bible encourages us to hold Mary in honor and to regard her as blessed (Luke 1:48).
While we are not parents of God’s Messiah, we understand that, as parents, we have a profoundly important role in leading and nurturing the little ones who are precious to God, children who are each gifted with their own unique potentials, complexities and mysteries of nature. I believe a child is blessed who has parents who “treasure up” the experiences they share with their child, and who often ponder those things, seeking sound perspective and direction in their parenting tasks. These qualities and practices indicate that the parent recognizes the child’s spiritual being as centrally important, and that the significance of personal qualities, values and relationships in life outweighs even that of physical prosperity, athletic achievement and social and business competencies.
The customs of our times pose challenges to the mother or father who would engage in “treasuring up” and “pondering” as a part of their parenting role. In today’s activity-crammed environment, we run the risk of adding yet another pressure of expectation to already overwhelming family schedules. My hope is that recognizing the central importance of the spiritual dimension of parenting will help us set family priorities in order so that the practice of “treasuring up” and “pondering” is discovered to be freeing and enabling and not an added burden of expectation.
To be whole as persons and as parents, we need to make time to “pray over” our life experiences, including those that are part of our lives as parents. In “praying over” the life we share as people of God, we need the practice of “treasuring up” and “pondering” remembered times, both the gratifying and rewarding times and those that are puzzling, mysterious or difficult and painful. Doing so helps us gain maturity of spirit as we nurture our children and grandchildren, as we help to awaken them to their potential as persons, to encourage them in seeking healthy growth of body, mind, and spirit, and as we encourage their vision of moral and spiritual values in life.
In raising children, mothers and fathers encounter numerous worries, and we may allow worries and frustrations to preoccupy the mind rather than seeking the vision and will of God through prayerful meditation and reflection. Sometimes we must remind ourselves not to wait to turn to God as a last-resort problem solver but to seek the vision and wisdom and will of God as the framework of understanding that guides all our living and as the resource and strength out of which our parenting efforts flow.
During their visit to Jerusalem when Jesus was 12, Mary and Joseph temporarily lost Jesus. After searching, they found him in the temple, talking with the officials and teachers of the law. He asked them if they hadn’t realized that he must be about His Father’s business, but they didn’t immediately fathom what he meant (Luke 2:50). Likewise, as parents, we may not immediately understand situations we face. We may not immediately know what to do or how to handle our leadership responsibilities. But insights and maturity of judgment do come, especially as we seek understanding and wisdom, prayerfully reflecting over and meditating on our role as mothers and fathers, seeking God’s will and help.