DEAR ABBY

Merced Sun-Star (Saturday) - - Entertainment - Dear Abby is writ­ten by Abi­gail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Con­tact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: Iama Chris­tian who is pas­sion­ate and vo­cal about be­ing an ally to the LGBTQ com­mu­nity. I have close fam­ily mem­bers and friends who are part of that com­mu­nity, so I never waiver in my sup­port or un­der­stand­ing. I am also a fem­i­nist. Th­ese be­liefs are deeply a part of who I am and how I live my life.

Re­cently, my boyfriend’s mother and I got into an ar­gu­ment about my sup­port and ad­vo­cacy for the LGBTQ com­mu­nity. She’s very con­ser­va­tive and opin­ion­ated, and her view­points are out­dated. She has de­nounced the women’s move­ment and scoffed at the idea that men and women aren’t treated equally in this day and age.

I tried my best to make good points, but the con­ver­sa­tion ended with her telling me I need to pray be­cause my be­liefs aren’t con­sis­tent with my faith. This has alarmed and of­fended me be­cause my boyfriend re­mained silent while his mother chas­tised me. Now I’m wor­ried about our fu­ture. If we have chil­dren one day, I would never want them to be ex­posed to such ha­tred and ig­no­rance.

When I ex­pressed th­ese con­cerns to my guy, I got the clas­sic, “Well, that’s just how she is” re­sponse. How can I have a healthy re­la­tion­ship with my boyfriend’s fam­ily if we are at such odds with our core be­liefs?

Open-Minded In The South

DEAR OPEN-MINDED: You can’t. There are none so blind as those who will not see, so don’t waste your time try­ing to get your boyfriend’s mother to see the light. And don’t hold your breath wait­ing for your boyfriend to de­fend you, be­cause when it comes to pry­ing open her per­spec­tive, he’s not up to it. You should have an­other con­ver­sa­tion with him about this, but if you make no head­way, rec­og­nize it’s time to move on.

DEAR ABBY: My grand­mother had beau­ti­ful but sim­ple emer­ald jew­elry. When I was 10, she told me that be­cause I was her only grand­child who shared emer­ald as a birth­stone, when she died, the jew­elry would be mine.

Fast-for­ward 30 years. A year be­fore her death, my grand­mother asked my mother if there was any­thing of hers we wanted. Mom im­me­di­ately men­tioned the emer­ald jew­elry for me. Grandma then in­formed Mom that we were “too late,” she’d al­ready given it to my aunt, her daugh­ter-in-law. I never let on to my grand­mother how upset I was, but I was dev­as­tated. A year later she passed away at 86. It’s not her fault that she for­got she’d promised the jew­elry to me.

My aunt has no daugh­ters, and the odds are slim that she’ll have grand­chil­dren. I don’t want to ask her to give me the jew­elry. My grand­mother was pre­cious to her, too. But would it be wrong to ask her to not prom­ise it to any­one else, and to leave it to me in her will?

Hope­ful In Canada

DEAR HOPE­FUL: You wouldn’t be wrong, but it will re­quire a del­i­cate touch. Not only should you do it, you should do it soon, be­fore she does ex­actly what you fear.

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