Go ahead, argue about politics with your family — but do it the right way
Thanksgiving in the age of Donald Trump: 9 ways to avoid political food fights” was just one of many popular article titles circling social media during the holidays. But with the presidential election on the horizon, what if avoiding political discussions actually does more harm than good?
Throughout my four years of high school, I was in speech and debate. I’m in college now, but I continue to coach my team back in Miami. To my family’s dismay, debate is something I am reluctant to give up.
This past Thanksgiving, I made a bold statement in front of my fiscally conservative family, saying that I didn’t believe the U.S. debt was that big of a deal. My father’s eyes went dark as he explained all the reasons why a growing debt would be the end of our nation.
My response? We’re already at $20 trillion, at what point does the nation start to collapse?
His response? “You just can’t seem to turn the debater off, can you?”
Just like my family, Americans seem to dread having discussions beyond just stating their opinions. People would rather read a fake Facebook post and believe whatever affirms their beliefs. That’s not productive. However, discussions in which each side disproves the stated facts of the other can be.
I detest being told I can’t turn the “debater” off. It’s an insult, effectively telling me to shut up. But this isn’t something unique to my holiday table. In March the Wall Street Journal published an article, “Competitive debaters have a problem: They can’t stop arguing,” that basically said that my inclination to debate makes me a burden and a bore to others.
However, I think that if one actually engages rather than trivializes debate, they may find how useful it can be.
Productive discussion shouldn’t be that different from a high school debate round. Both sides begin with their own beliefs, then each side responds to the claims made by the other and tries to refute them. It’s from this point on where the discussion gets interesting and where some relatives start reaching for the tequila. If both parties are informed, whatever they said to refute the other side will be somewhat true, forcing the opposite party to alter and strengthen their argument. If one side can’t properly respond to a refutation, a good debater knows to concede that point and move on. But of course, a regular person doesn’t want to concede anything, leading to that drunkuncle fist-fight on the patio.
Actually, debate is just as much about presentation as it is about content. In fact, most tournament judges are parents with normal jobs who are forced to judge on weekends for their kids. Meaning, that while people may think debaters just love to argue and yell at each another, any good debater knows when to slow down and simplify their argument. Part of this presentation is knowing how bad it looks to argue just for the sake of arguing. It’s far more important to keep your composure, making your team seem perceptually dominant to any judge.
No matter if you’re arguing at a tournament or with family, learning how to argue, refute, alter your argument — and concede — are skills that everyone should have. It allows for discussions to promote education rather than disruption at the dinner table.
In this way, perhaps next year’s articles will be headlined, “How To Debate Your Family . . . and Win.”