Is she a friend-with-benefits or is this relationship going somewhere?
Hi, Carolyn: I have been dating a man for three months. Neither of us has brought up whether we are in a relationship, although I trust we are exclusive. I want to be in a relationship and fear I am in the friends-with-benefits zone.
I tend to think it’s best to wait for him to bring up that he wants to be in a relationship, not me, because then I know he really wants it.
I know part of me is afraid of getting rejected because he got out of a very long relationship seven months ago, and maybe I am not ready to walk away if he rejects a relationship. How do you think I should approach this?
— FWB-Zoned FWB-Zoned: Whatever you do, whomever you love, however you express yourself — just think of how much room there is for you to be you, in a variety of ways, throughout life — stop handing control of your relationships to other people. Stop waiting silently for them to figure out what you want and decide whether they’ll give it to you.
Give yourself time to figure things out, sure, but don’t just assume the begging position because that’s the role you know.
Dear Carolyn: I am a single mom of three kids. My 25-year marriage was loveless and the sex was forgettable.
I now find myself with a man who adores me and is easy to be around! He has depth, integrity and many great qualities, we laugh a lot (which was missing from my past relationships) and my kids love him.
He has zero desire for sex. His doctor suggested some solutions, to no avail.
I don’t really want to lose him, but I feel insecure without physical closeness. What happens next? — Another Loveless
Relationship Another Loveless Relationship: He’s OK with things as they are.
But you’re not. So: Enjoy the company of this lovely friend, who is just a friend, and keep your heart, mind and calendar open just for you, including for the possibility of something/ someone different. Just because you love this person doesn’t mean you have to center your life around him. Don’t make an unsatisfying mistake twice.
See what else, who else, life has to offer.