Can dad break the bottle, buildup, boom cycle with son?
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Do your homework, look at every angle and make changes that will encourage you to spend less and save more. You’ll have added discipline and stamina to do what’s right and best for you. How you handle your financial and medical issues will set the standard you live and thrive in.
LIBRA
Sept. 23-Oct. 22: Refuse to let your livelihood play havoc with your personal life. Nurture your relationships. How reliable your connections are in the future depends on you. Don’t take the chance of losing someone you love. 4 stars
Basically, when he comes over, he just criticizes us continually. Finally, I have enough of his disrespectful behavior and blow up myself, which causes an argument to ensue.
This behavior has repeated itself over and over for decades. Also, my wife refuses to confront him, always leaving me to be the bad guy. I think it would help if she also told him to stop being so disrespectful to us. Suggestions?
— Confused Dad
Confused Dad: Look at your son’s behavior as something he does to get something he needs. Stop reacting to what it says about you and listen for what it says about him.
Adopting this viewpoint doesn’t imply that his need or his way of meetscope seal sell sepal slap sloe slop slope soap solace sole space spell epos
SCORPIO
Oct. 23-Nov. 21: Don’t let an emotional situation fester. Use your imagination, and you’ll come up with a plan that will please everyone. Concentrate on what, and who, is important to you, and do your best to strengthen the situation. 2 stars
SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 22-Dec. 21: Go over important papers, review your financial situation and consider what you can do personally to make your life and home more comfortable. Take on a challenge. 5 stars
CAPRICORN
Dec. 22-Jan. 19: An emotional situation will ing it is healthy; it’s not an endorsement. It is simply bringing pragmatism to a problem righteousness hasn’t solved.
So — what need could these complaints and eruptions be filling for your son?
I can hazard some guesses: He feels bad about himself and wants to put that weight on some other back than his own; this dysfunction is his (ironically named) emotional comfort zone; his woundedness and your defensiveness from your very first arguments — way back when you were both new at the business of being a child and a parent, respectively — initiated a cycle of unsatisfying outcomes and neediness that defines your relationship.
It could also be a midlife version of an adolescent mainstay: He has bad or mount if you cannot agree with someone close to you. Before you make a fuss or give someone the chance to complain, offer a solution that will help keep the peace and encourage cooperation. 3 stars
AQUARIUS
Jan. 20-Feb. 18: You’ll face uncertainty. Before you make a move, find out what’s involved and consider what’s doable. Don’t feel you have to change or agree to something that isn’t in your best interest. 3 stars
PISCES
Feb. 19-March 20: Be creative with your money, and you’ll come up uncomfortable feelings he can’t manage effectively, building up force, so he pokes others until they blow up at him, which then makes him the victim, which gives him both an excuse for an emotional release and a convenient person to blame.
Bottle, buildup, boom, repeat.
With any one of these, you could disrupt the cycle by recognizing your role as the one who gets provoked into argument, and mindfully stepping out of it.
Break your habits in responding to him, and see if that takes you all somewhere else.
Your wife can likely identify these habits, as the quiet witness to it all. You want her support but her insights might offer more.
I recommend this with a way to change your financial status. Helping others is admirable, but don’t let anyone take advantage of you or talk you into making a donation you cannot afford. 3 stars
ARIES
March 21-April 19: Think twice before you react. Mull over what’s happened, and consider your motives and the part you played in what has transpired. Be positive and nurture a meaningful relationship before it’s too late. 5 stars
TAURUS
April 20-May 20: An emotional incident will leave you questioning your domestic situation. approach not because it’s certain or even likely to work. It might, sure, be enough to relax him into healthier ways of coping
... or he might see through you, ignore you, push back
Consider your options, look at the pros and cons, and decide based on practicality, not stubbornness. 2 stars
GEMINI
May 21-June 20: Find out where you stand with someone who has been sending you mixed signals. Be direct, ask questions and consider what you can do to make amends. 4 stars
CANCER
June 21-July 22: Make changes at home that will add to your comfort and convenience and bring you closer to the people you love most. A change of plans will turn out to be fun. 3 stars harder in frustration. What it does guarantee is a calm template for listening and for loving acceptance while disengaging from the mechanics of the dysfunction. ill health and nearly penniless. When Neil and Ron heard what had happened, they invited me to move across the country and live with them. They welcomed me into their home and even removed a wall between two rooms so I’d have a bedroom with a private bath and sitting room — although we spend most of our time together.
They also include me in many of their plans. Since I moved in with them, I have traveled more than I have my whole life and seen places I only read about in books. They never mention the fact that they are supporting me, or that I ignored them in the past.
When old friends ask how it feels living with my gay son, I tell them I hope they’re lucky enough to have one who will take them in one day. Please continue urging your readers to accept their children as they a re. My only regret is that I wasted 15 years. — Grateful Mom
Dear Grateful Mom: Thank you for pointing out how important it is that people respect one another for who they are, not for what we would like them to be. Sexual orientation is not a measure of anyone’s humanity or worth.
LEO
July 23-Aug. 22: Emotions will be difficult to control. Before you lecture someone, consider the consequences. An unexpected change will take you by surprise. Don’t start a fight that you aren’t likely to win. Keep the peace. 3 stars
VIRGO
Aug. 23-Sept. 22: Spend more time expanding your mind, interests and relationships with people who share your beliefs and opinions. A chance to experience something unique will encourage personal growth. 3 stars