This long-distance boyfriend has no interest in meeting halfway

Dear Carolyn: My boyfriend and I are long-distance. He lives in the nicer apartment and more exciting city, so nine times out of 10 — about once every two weeks — I drive five hours each way to visit.

I am always glowy and happy about these visits, so it’s taken me months to realize I’m spending a fortune on gas and going to work exhausted after each return trip, not to mention falling behind on my housework and forgoing a social life at home.

I mentioned this to my boyfriend, never dreaming his response would be anything other than, “Oops! We’ll start splitting the visits.” Instead he launched into a campaign about why his city is better and it’s clear he has no intention of visiting ME more than every four to six months.

Suddenly I am less excited about my upcoming visit and the drive, tolls, etc. Now what? We are both committed to the relationship; I want to give it a chance.

— Long-Distance

Long-Distance: Why? He just totally dismissed your effort and hardship, and prioritized his own fun and convenience. He sounds like a terrible longterm investment.

Dear Carolyn: I prefer the room temperature to be a bit cooler in winter and warmer in the summer than my partner of nine years does, and we’re always tweaking the thermostat. I prefer 66-68 degrees on winter days, wearing long sleeves, and cooler at night, with a comforter to keep warm. She would have it 70-72 degrees day and night, which to me feels too warm and like shortsleeve shirt temperature, and she doesn’t like a heavy comforter at night. In the summer I prefer 74-76 in the day and she likes 72, which to me feels chilly.

I realize we have different comfort levels and neither one is good or bad, though mine is more resource- and environmentally friendly. One doesn’t necessarily have the right to tell the other what the setting ought to be. How do we settle this?

— Bill

Bill: Just pick the middle temp between your two preferences and manage it, because that’s what adults do.