Florida Legislature, if you’re going to rule over wombs, why not testicles, too?

Warning: This column on reproductive rights in Florida might contain graphic, sensitive commentary to Republican male ears.

Democracy starts with our skin,” actress Ashley Judd affirmed at the 2019 Women in the World Summit after sharing that she was impregnated by a rapist and chose to have a safe, legal abortion.

“We’re not supposed to regulate what we choose to do with our insides.”

So says U.S. constitutional law as well, but when it comes to women’s reproductive health, the degree of governmental intrusion after conception is the stuff that wins or loses elections.

A woman’s affecting decision to abort an unwanted pregnancy should be nobody’s business but hers.

Yet, conservative state governments are tearing the country in two by creating regions where limited abortion rights deny — especially poor women — this vital healthcare choice.

In Florida, the Republican-controlled Legislature is poised to pass next week restrictions that will leave women in the state with no choice but to carry through with an unwanted pregnancy after the 15th week.

Gov. Ron DeSantis is all too eager to sign this assault on women into law.

This is a particularly egregious regressive path for the Florida peninsula, where decisions made up north in Tallahassee by largely white, well-off conservative men and women will do disproportionate harm to poor African-American and Latina women in South Florida.

The closest state where women will be able to get a legal, safe abortion as closely as allowed now in Florida, up to 24 weeks, will be in North Carolina, where most abortions are banned after 20 weeks. No sweat for affluent women, other than piling travel onto a painful decision. No option at all for the poor.

Count among the privileged who can afford to legislate against their comadres Rep. Jenna Persons-Mulicka, R-Fort Myers, Rep. Erin Grall, R-Vero Beach, the House bill sponsors. Old story. Women who betray women are a dime a dozen. At least there’s equality in political boot-licking.

NO PENALTY FOR MEN

More importantly though, what will be the responsibility on the books for the men who impregnate women, without them wanting it, after Senate Bill 146 and House Bill 5 become law under DeSantis?

None, still.

They walk, as they have since the beginning to time, scot-free.

Men can impregnate all the women they want without painful, physical, life-threatening consequences.

Women, on the other hand, can’t reproduce with such precociousness. We can only get pregnant once every 10 months.

So who’s the out-ofcontrol gender in this equation? Who needs regulation?

Yet, here we are, the gender under attack and suffering the wrath of Florida Republicans imposing a ban on abortions at 15 weeks of pregnancy with exceptions only for pregnancies where two doctors detect a “fatal fetal abnormality” or the woman’s health and life is in danger.

No exceptions for rape or incest. How cruel is that?

That lawmakers would not even budge under these conditions makes it worthwhile to recall Judd’s abortion story. Had it not been legal for her to abort her rapist’s child, she would have been forced to co-parent with him, according to parental rights law in Kentucky (where she and the rapist grew up) and Tennessee (where she lives).

There’s no telling what they’ll come up with next session to force women to submit further. This is only the first step in eroding rights year after year.

In 2019, they gave parents the right to force minors to give birth.

Think about who always pays the GOP tab.

Who pays, for the rest of their lives, the high cost of this GOP assault on women’s rights, their takeover of our health and our bodies on behalf of their political base?

We do. So do our daughters and granddaughters, of course — enduring unwanted pregnancies and dangerous, illegal abortions that will flourish the way cheap, unsafe cosmetic surgery and illegal dental work do now in Miami-Dade County.

EQUITY IN LEGISLATION

I say, let’s legislate testicles, too, not just wombs, Florida lawmakers.

I’m serious.

To be fair about the fascist control over bodies, let’s limit the number of times a man is allowed to impregnate women.

I propose a warning be issued after two babies have to be unwillingly brought to full term by the woman or women one man impregnates. At three, when he still hasn’t learned to wear a condom properly, if at all, the man would be referred to mandatory sex education.

Note: An extra session will be required for premature ejaculators. “Oops” would be no longer good enough under my proposed legislation over men’s bodies.

After a man’s sperm generates four unwanted pregnancies, that’s it, buddy. Mandatory vasectomy. Just like with the 15-week ban, there should be a limit on how many women’s lives a single man can mess up.

Can I get a bipartisan quorum to support my “Equity in Pregnancy Initiative?”

That’s a “No“from the GOP?

How many unwanted pregnancies is a good number for a man when only one pregnancy can ruin a woman’s life forever — or maim or kill her?

Unlike the Republicans who refused to negotiate with Democrats on any point of extremist, wombintrusive House Bill 5, which passed by a largely partisan majority, I’m open to discussions to do what’s right and fair for the gentlemen.

With 78 yeas, 39 nays at the ready on roll call, women who opposed the measure never even had a chance of being heard in the Florida House.

In fact, the protests of female student activists were deemed a disruption, and law enforcement took them out of chambers. One University of Florida student was arrested and charged with a vague identification issue offense.

When, and if, my proposal is considered, I hope the men will be heard. This is still a democratic country — a line I keep handy, on repeat cycle, in Florida these days.