Spam texts are seemingly at an all-time high

Almost every morning, regardless of the events that have happened overnight, my smart phone greets me with the most interesting messages. I would probably find the banners on my screen amusing, if not for the nefarious motives behind them. Yes, spam.

Some of these surprise messages sell products. Most, though, are very obviously hunting for personal information to con me. All could use help with their writing. I’m often tempted to text these “marketers” back to suggest they hire a good copy editor or, at the very least, someone who knows how to use the English language properly.

Here’s a sampling of the latest, grammar mistakes and all:

The Epidermis Crème which just lately acquired the largest deal in Shark Tank’s history will be giving away a free of charge sample! Eliminate Facial lines as well as take 15 years off of your face! Merely look at some of these reports and testimonials! Lovetohavegreatskin.com/3usu7y And this one:

Hi. I was looking all week for something that would kickstart our weight loss journey and saw this. It was featured in many media outlets. Everyone’s been talking about it. My friend said they lost 15 lbs in the first 2 weeks. Just got one and I think you can even get a complimentary bottle, but there weren’t many left. Check this: wouldyouliketoketo.com/9plohs2.

Then there’s this brazen doozy that assumes I’m in the market for a vacuum:

“Your track (#US91177J which includes the following products: V11 Dyson Vacuum. Cannot be approved for delivery pending your outstanding tax has been paid. Current outstanding balance: $1.02 Additional info: liketopickupnow.com/0w6a5u1.

I find these messages hilarious. Who would buy a facial cream from a company that cold texts you? Why try a weight-loss product from a business that employs a writer who can’t match pronouns? Who would honestly believe they could score a Dyson product for a buck?

Apparently enough people do. Enough people click on the websites to make this scam/pseudo marketing worthwhile. It’s the only reason spam texts and calls have proliferated in the past few months. When email didn’t work — I have on good authority that some people never check their personal inbox — shady operators turned to a more annoying tactic. Now the trickle of junk has turned into a torrent. I joke that I get more texts from marketers than I do from my own children. I’m hardly exaggerating.

Just last week I woke to a text that threaded 18 other numbers, all a close variation of my own. One aggravated cellphone owner wrote back: Who the f---k are you? Since then I’ve not gotten single message from the initial offender.

Here’s the thing, lots of these spammers mimic real numbers. Many of my junk texts, for example, come from the 630 area code, which encompasses communities west of Chicago in northeastern Illinois. Several cousins live in the area, and I’ve attended numerous family weddings there too. Is there a link? Did a hotel sell my phone number to telemarketers?

Lately, this spam has taken on a horror-movie quality too. One text appeared to come from my own number. Creepy and invasive, to be sure, but way more common than most of us realize. It’s super easy to spoof a cell number.

Of course, I’ve tried to protect myself. I’ve adjusted settings, reported offenders and blocked numbers. I’ve complained to my carrier. And still these messages chime with astounding regularity. Thankfully most come during that sacred time of slumber, when I’ve set my phone to the Do-NotDisturb function.

I’m halfway resigned to accepting such bothersome blather as the price for connectivity. In the meantime, while carriers get their act together, I’m composing an answer to unknown senders along these lines: Texts and calls may annoy me, but your words will never tempt me.

Ana Veciana-Suarez writes about family and social issues. Email her at avecianasuarez@gmail.com or visit her website anavecianasuarez.com. Follow @AnaVeciana.