Retired mother needs to learn to stop chatting while she’s driving

Dear Carolyn:

My retired mom and I go to lunch weekly (she picks me up from work). I guess I never noticed until now, but she talks on the phone A LOT while driving, which makes me very nervous now that I’m seven months pregnant. These aren’t quick-hello calls, but long, rambling communications. She’s made wrong turns, run yellow lights, and almost gotten into wrecks while yakking away.

She wants to be my primary child care once the baby comes, and I think she will be a fine grandma, but how can I keep her from risking my child’s life behind the wheel? I’m sure if I try to mention it, she will claim she never talks on the phone and drives ... what then?

Preggo

Yikes. You have to say something — not “try to mention,” but SAY — no matter how sure you are that she’ll deny it.

If she denies it, hello, you’re her passenger! Often! Insist that she hang up. If she doesn’t, then say you’re going to get out at the next red light if she doesn’t hang up. Then do it.

If you see no epiphany on the car-yakking, explain that she can’t drive your child anywhere, not unless she proves she gets it by putting her phone in the trunk. It has to be that simple. Dear Carolyn:

You referred to people who were “in societal lockstep and had kids just as The Next Thing They Were Supposed to Do.” This really hit a chord for me.

My husband and I have been talking about having kids for some time now. And yet that hurdle feels incredibly daunting. How do you know that you REALLY want kids, that you’re ready to become a parent? At this point I’m finding the “You should only have kids if you want them” people almost as annoying as the “But you would be such good parents!” people.

Lockstep?

If I had to pick one quality that would help sort undecided people into do- and don’t-havekids piles, it would be ... flexibility. If you’re comfortable with the idea of living the life you get versus the one you’ve always had in mind, then you have the potential to find great joy in a life with children.

If instead you feel you work better in a landscape of known quantities, then opt out. Email Carolyn at tellme@ washpost.com, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/ carolyn.hax or chat with her online at noon Eastern time each Friday at www.washingtonpost.com.