Sister begins to present first signs of mental illness while at college
Dear Carolyn: My sister is 18. She got homesick at college this year and is de initely depressed. I think she recently started antidepressants. She had a brief relationship there and has reacted poorly to the breakup. She has told the guy, several times, that she’s going to kill herself. Even saying it was “in progress,” which hasn’t been true. She’s told him she’s pregnant, then says she had an abortion, then says she’s pregnant again. This has been going on for a couple of months.
Clearly she’s seeking his attention and lying. There’s no chance they are getting back together; he thinks she’s absolutely crazy. But he contacted me because he’s afraid she might actually hurt herself.
I’ve asked her about it and her response is that he’s lying. He sent me screenshots, so I know he’s not. Our family walks on eggshells around her. She has a temper and lies constantly, so I can’t believe her at all. She will be home from college soon. I feel like this all needs to be addressed, but no one in my family will do it. What should I do?
— Crazy Sister?
“Crazy,” please, no — “mentally ill,” quite possibly. A lot of serious mental illnesses start to present in people as they transition out of adolescence and into adulthood. Therefore it’s not uncommon for people to show their irst serious symptoms while they’re away at college. It’s also not uncommon for the irst pass at treatment to be inadequate.
As a sibling, you’re in a tough spot. To get your sister a full mental health screening is a parent’s job. But, your parents might not be aware they have such a clear responsibility here. Oddly enough, it can be hard to igure out what to do about (what seem like) lies and drama and temper eruptions, yet easy to igure out what to do about the much more serious problem of an illness: Call the doctor. So push for the easy.
I don’t think it’s too much to ask of a sibling to tell your parents what you know and lobby them to bring your sister to her doctor. Ideally they will also read up on different illnesses and symptoms at www.nami.org, and call NAMI’s help line: 800 950 6264.