Best friend doesn’t share ro­man­tic feel­ings


Dear Abby: I have been best friends with “Mickey” for about ive years. We spend ev­ery day to­gether and go out to din­ner/movies/events, etc. He sleeps over at my house, and I cook for him al­most ev­ery night.

When our friend­ship started we were in­ti­mate a cou­ple of times but have been pla­tonic ever since. The prob­lem is, I’m in love with him. He knows how I feel, and al­though he claims he doesn’t love me, he con­tin­ues to spend ev­ery wak­ing mo­ment with me. We do ev­ery­thing a cou­ple would do, mi­nus the phys­i­cal con­tact.

I think I should also men­tion that Mickey is some­what of a sex ad­dict. It makes me self-con­scious that he’s con­stantly think­ing about sex but isn’t turned on by me even when we sleep in the same bed.

I don’t want to lose him. I value the bond we share and what we have to­gether, but I’m con­stantly think­ing about how much I love him and want to be with him. I even started work­ing out at the gym, think­ing maybe my re­cent weight gain was the prob­lem.

I know he “loves” me, but he isn’t at­tracted to me. I’m afraid if one of us starts dat­ing some­one else, our friend­ship will take a hit. Please give me some ad­vice. — Girl in Love in Con­necti­cut

Dear Girl in Love: As long as you have Mickey as your ma­jor pre­oc­cu­pa­tion, you will not start dat­ing any­one else. You need to stop think­ing that his lack of desire for you is your fault, be­cause it isn’t. Al­though it will be painful to call a halt to what’s go­ing on so you can meet some­one who CAN give you what you need, that’s what you should do. The re­la­tion­ship you’re in is masochis­tic. You are be­ing used, and it’s not fair to you.

Con­tact Dear Abby at www. or P.O. Box 69440, Los An­ge­les, CA 90069.

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