Wife fears husband’s constant bragging sets family up for failure

Dear Carolyn: Two years ago, we were invited to skip our son “Johnny” ahead from irst grade to second mid-year. My husband was a bit insufferable about it, bragging to a number of our friends about how well Johnny was doing academically. This really bugged me at irst but I ultimately decided I couldn’t control another adult’s mouth and stopped worrying about it — though I tried to lessen the damage by telling our friends about some of the tougher parts of skipping a kid ahead.

Two years later, it’s clear that Johnny was socially unready to skip grades; he also has a late birthday and so was almost two years younger than most of his classmates. In the fall, he’ll be starting third grade for the second time.

My husband is, unsurprisingly, mum about this when we talk to our friends about how school is going.

Any suggestions about how I can head off something like this next time — i.e., not letting my husband’s braggy tendencies set us up for failure?

— Came Back to Bite Us

You use this experience to spell it out for him, privately, after a fresh brag attempt. “When you talk about how well X is going, I cringe. The grade-skipping humbled me, and rightly so — good fortunes can turn pretty quickly.”

But, seriously? If he didn’t learn this exact lesson himself, then I’m not sure he’s mature enough to embrace the spelled-out version, either.

Assuming it’s a trait he’s not poised to outgrow, you have your own role here: as a person who converses without bragging. When you “talk to our friends about how school is going,” for example, be the agent of reality. “Turns out skipping a grade wasn’t the right call for Johnny — he was way behind everyone socially. He’s back with his age group this fall.”

That’s not ixing your husband’s tendencies, or heading them off, or in any way parachuting into his conversational territory. It’s just being honest and well-adjusted in your own right, and, as a convenient byproduct, setting the record straight.