Friendship ends after party joke goes wrong

Dear Abby: I recently attended a friend’s party that was being given to celebrate their son’s 18th birthday. I thought it would be cheeky and fun to buy him a risque card from an adult boutique, thinking everyone would get a good laugh. When he opened the card, he had this look of horror on his face, ran out of the room teary-eyed and went to his bedroom. His mother picked up the card and asked me to leave.

I gave them a week or so to cool off. I called back only to be informed by the mother that I had violated her son’s sanctity of sexual orientation because he identi ies as a “they” and “prefers androgynous boys to women.” She went on to explain that as a result of my “indiscriminate sexism,” I’m no longer allowed around the family.

I feel I should’ve been informed of the child’s orientation being such an important aspect of his ... or rather, “their” identity, and tried to explain it was an honest mistake and would never happen again. My friend said the damage was done, and they can’t forgive that kind of blatant disrespect.

Was I insensitive for not asking irst? Any advice would be great. — Wanting to Scream in Eugene

Dear Wanting: I think one lesson to be learned here is that some people are not comfortable with sexual humor. Another is that it is a mistake to assume everyone is straight or cisgender.

I’m sorry that the young person was embarrassed. Your apology should have been directed at them, not their mother. But since the mother has decreed you persona non grata, you will have to accept it. It’s unfortunate. The family overreacted. What could have been handled as a teachable moment was blown out of proportion.

Contact Dear Abby at www. DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.