Empathetic daughter wants to help the homeless. But is it safe?
Dear Carolyn: My daughter “Fiona” is 21 and just moved to her own apartment. Not a great neighborhood, but my irst apartment wasn’t in a great neighborhood either.
Fiona has always been empathetic and kind. She donates her time at soup kitchens, fosters rescue animals, and will go the extra mile for friends and family.
Today she sent out a family-and-friends group text saying she has discovered an encampment of homeless people living near her apartment. She sees them on her drive to and from work. She wants to help and has asked us to donate spare blankets, warm clothing, feminine hygiene products, “durable” noncook foods (e.g., peanut butter, granola bars, crackers) and toiletries, and she will stop by and deliver them.
This is a wonderful idea but it seems risky, and I am conflicted. It seems to me like a bad move at this time in Fiona’s life. She lives alone, and close to the encampment. Sometimes desperate people do desperate things. I would rather she tempered her generosity with practical safety, and let us donate to a homeless shelter in her name, rather than her hand-delivering items.
How should I reply?
— Hard-Hearted
Reply with a donation of spare blankets, warm clothing, feminine hygiene products, accessible foods and/or toiletries. She is going to be the person who does things like this no matter what, with or without your support; she’ll do it next time even if you talk her out of it this time; and she’s going to do her own accounting of risk versus reward.
I know you’re worried. But I think you will feel better if you choose, consciously, to turn your face toward her light. Congratulations on raising this beautiful child.
Dear Carolyn: Re: Hard-Hearted: We have our own “Fiona,” who is now 25. It takes practice to let your dearest treasure be an adult and make adult decisions that seem risky from the parental perspective. This is a great opportunity to practice letting go a little and being supportive. Hard but necessary.
— Supportive