Should I ditch my fiance who doesn’t ever help around the house?
Dear Carolyn: I love my iance and until recently thought we had a wonderful partnership. We’ve lived together for eight years and he makes more money and works longer hours, so I do almost all the housework.
Recently I was hospitalized for two weeks. When I came home, I found he had never once walked our dog — just let the poor thing out into our tiny yard, and he didn’t clean up. The house was an absolute wreck, he didn’t cook or clean anything, left pizza boxes stacked on the counter, and dirty laundry piled on the laundry room floor.
I asked him why he didn’t do anything, and he said he’s no good at that stuff and knew I’d want to do it “the right way” when I got back.
I asked him if he wanted to learn but he said he doesn’t see a real problem with the shape the house was in. Would you consider this a big enough issue to delay our summer wedding over?
— Still in Shock
Yes, I would consider it a big enough issue that you’re looking at 100% housework for the rest of your life with this man and, worse, his utter comfort with your exerting yourself on your mutual behalf while he does nothing, believing ... can you hear my print voice rising as I type ... it’s a favor to YOU that he does! Right out of your sickbed!
And the poor dog, suffering such neglect. Is it one of those dogs that likes the poop scooped in a certain way that your iance just isn’t good at?
I was actually leaning sympathetic to the guy at the start, expecting him to have been under duress with you in the hospital and with maybe too much going on at work — and certainly that will stress a partner out signi icantly. It’s hard to do housework when you’re wearing a groove between your of ice and a loved one’s hospital room. But “he’s no good at that stuff and knew I’d want to do it ‘the right way’ when I got back”??? A person actually said that?! To a loved one who’s been sick?!
Choose one: the Maya Angelou quote — “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the irst time” — or a straightup Oh Hell No.
I hope you mend soon. So you can walk away unassisted.