How to deal with widower father’s sexist comments about dating

Dear Carolyn: My 60-year-old dad, a widower of about three years, has started saying he wants a girlfriend. OK, sounds great; I would love for him to have companionship. What bothers me is the way he talks about his reasons for wanting to ind this hypothetical girlfriend. For example, “I need to ind a girlfriend so I can have a decent meal for once.” Why not make himself a decent meal, you ask? Apparently that’s woman’s work. Or, “This place will be a lot neater once I ind my girlfriend.”

I never really thought of him as sexist before, but I am really put off both by the implication that he is dating to ind live-in help, and what that suggests about his marriage to my late mom. I have never doubted how much he loved Mom, but I really hate listening to him talk this way. I can ask him to stop it, and he will, but do I have a right to try to ight back against the underlying attitudes?

— Bad Dad Joke

Why don’t you just ask, “OK, you want a cook and a housekeeper. What are you offering her in this deal?”

Curious to hear what he’d say.

If it’s just more jokes then, yes, do speak up. “When you say things like that, I feel ____.”

Dear Carolyn: Should I move for a guy? I currently am not satis ied with my job, unhappy with it even. If I could ind something more exciting and interesting, do you think I should move to his respective city? I am 23 and live in a much smaller city I think I have grown out of. I have a fear of potentially derailing my career or later regretting the decision.

— Unsatis ied

Don’t move for “a guy.” Move because you’re unsatis ied by where you are in life, for whatever reason, and you have good cause to believe a move would be an improvement — whether that improvement is about a guy, a job, a climate, an economy, a culture, a whim. It’s about taking the reins, that’s it — which is worth doing, even when it scares us witless. Good luck.