Worried about depressed friend who is headed toward bad choices

Dear Carolyn: I have a good friend who has experienced several life disappointments in recent years. Currently, work has separated her from her husband, exacerbating some of their ongoing and unaddressed issues. She is also clinically depressed.

In our two most recent conversations, she has mentioned how frequently men hit on her, and has also discussed how vulnerable she is right now. The two aren’t mentioned side by side, but it’s clear she is aware of vulnerabilities and temptations — and that attentions of other men can be attractive. She also rationalized extramarital affairs when we were discussing a movie we watched together, saying few people are entirely faithful.

I would hate to see her make a choice she cannot reverse while in a period of depression, frustration and vulnerability ... but this feels out of my depth. What should

I be doing to support her? She is seeing a therapist and I often ask about that, but do not know what else to do.

— Long-Distance Friend

You can reflect back to her what you’re hearing: “You’ve said affairs are common and that men are hitting on you. Are you trying to tell me something? Are you asking my opinion?”

If “no” and “no,” then you’re done. Even if you don’t believe her entirely. It’s still her life.

If “yes,” then that’s enough of an invitation for you to say what you said here, which is excellent: “This feels out of my depth. I’m concerned you’ll make a choice you cannot reverse while in a period of depression, frustration and vulnerability. I hope you’re talking to your therapist about it.”

Or husband, if abuse isn’t one of their issues.

Something else you can do? Don’t get so distracted by her maybepossible-potential in idelity that you forget how powerful friendship can be for those who feel vulnerable. Love her, care about her, listen to her without judging. All that enables is strength.