How to host the best coronavirus virtual happy hour
With bars and restaurants closed and everybody we know practicing social distancing due to the coronavirus outbreak, we all must find new ways to socialize.
We need interaction. We are not hermits. We live in Miami. We thrive on chisme. We have to find people to talk to or we will wander aimlessly around our homes, shouting incoherently at our pets and lamenting our distance from the nearest croqueta.
And our new favorite way of talking is at virtual happy hours.
Virtual happy hours are taking the nation by storm because self isolating is hard and drinking is fun. Also we are either tired of being alone with our thoughts or tired of being alone with someone else’s thoughts, namely our significant others who have turned out to be more annoying than we realized or our kids who are maybe not as
scholarly as we had hoped.
So we take comfort in the virtual company of our friends.
But there are rules to virtual happy hours, especially if you want to host one that leaves all participants feeling connected and happy instead of irritated and regretful. Here’s what we suggest:
INVITE THE RIGHT PEOPLE
Be honest with yourself about the people who annoy you. Be ruthless. This is no time to feel guilty about loudmouth cousin Marisol.
INVITE THE RIGHT NUMBER OF PEOPLE
We suggest four. Otherwise everybody talks over each other, especially if everyone in the chat is from Miami. Also, they will talk really loud.
HAVE YOUR TECH DOWN OUT THE GATE
There’s always that one friend who does not understand how to download or use Zoom. Walk him through the steps patiently ahead of time. The rewards you reap will be great.
IF YOU’RE ON YOUR PHONE, TURN OFF YOUR NOTIFICATIONS
Nobody wants to hear how active your WhatsApp chat is.
SET A TIME LIMIT
You are going to need an excuse to escape when Fulano starts in on his conspiracy theories after two drinks.
DON’T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE
Without access to salons and barbershops, we all look busted and are going to for awhile. Don’t worry about putting on makeup. These are friends, not your boo. They won’t judge you except behind your back. Note: wearing pants is a sign that we have not completely abandoned civility and is much appreciated.
REMEMBER NOBODY WANTS TO SEE YOUR KID PERFORM HER ROLE IN THE CANCELED DANCE RECITAL
This is about the grownups. Brief appearances by dogs and babies are welcome and encouraged, however. Brief.
EVERYBODY MUST SIT STILL FOR THE DURATION OF THE HAPPY HOUR
You can use the facilities or pour yourself another drink. Just leave your device behind. Don’t wander around the house with your phone making everybody queasy.
EVERYBODY NEEDS TO DRINK
Otherwise it’s just another meeting. We’ve had enough meetings this week.
Connie Ogle: 305-376-3649, @OgleConnie