Couple drift after the birth of surprise baby

Dear Abby: I have been with my husband since 2009. In 2017 we had a surprise baby, who is now 2 years and 9 months old.

Connecting as a couple was getting difficult before the pregnancy, but now that we have this cute, energetic child, we don’t connect at all. If I don’t ask for a kiss, I don’t get one. If I don’t ask for sex, it would never happen.

I have mentioned this issue many times but nothing changes. The only conversation he wants to have is about the news or what he did at work. If I try to talk about anything else, he gives me brief answers and moves to a different subject. I’m bored in this marriage. Help! — Roommate or Romance?

Dear R. or R.: Your husband may be as overwhelmed by parenthood as you are, and concerned about providing for this “surprise” baby, which is why he has distanced himself. Your relationship could also have been winding down before your pregnancy happened. I am not sure a regularly scheduled date night can bring you two back in sync, but a licensed marriage and family therapist may be able to reopen the lines of communication between you.

Dear Abby: My niece is being married very soon. I wasn’t invited to her originally planned church wedding, but due to the coronavirus, she’s now doing a Zoom wedding, and I have received an electronic invitation. Should I send her a wedding gift or is it not required/expected since we weren’t included in the original wedding plans? — Timely Dilemma in Massachusetts

Dear T.D.: If you want to maintain a relationship with your niece, send her a gift with a sweet note. If not, then decline.