Twins are divided over mom’s medical care

Dear Abby: My 63-yearold mother has recently been diagnosed with stage4metastatic lung cancer. Even prior to her diagnosis she was a negative and depressed person. She has been a smoker, drinker and backseat driver for almost 50 years.

She has undergone intense radiation but is refusing to take her chemo pill. In her words, why should she prolong her life by another year, especially if it causes more side effects and won’t cure her? My twin and I are her only children. She has no significant life partner, and there are no grandkids.

While I have kept in steady contact and maintained relations with her even during all our bad times, my brother has taken an “out of sight, out of mind” attitude. We both live a two- or three-hour distance away from Mom. The problem now is, my brother wants her to persevere through all the doctors’ treatments, while I have accepted her decision to essentially let go. How can I help him come to terms with Mom’s decision? — Son/ Brother in California

Dear Son/Brother: I firmly believe in a person’s right to make their own decision when it comes to continuing or discontinuing treatment for a terminal illness. If your mother feels the chemotherapy has side effects that are too debilitating to tolerate, it should be her choice whether to discontinue them rather than the preference of your brother. If your mother prefers palliative or hospice care, she is entitled to have it, and she should discuss it with her doctor, who can see that she receives it.