Friend won’t stop comparing her Realtor exams to my IVF journey

Dear Carolyn: I recently began painful and exhausting fertility treatments, with no guarantee they’ll actually work. An old friend, a mom of three, coincidentally began studying for her Realtor’s license on the same day I began injections.

She now sends regular emails about how excited she is that we’re “in this life journey together.” More than once, if I mention I’m stressed or worried, she responds that she knows exactly how that feels, because if she doesn’t pass her exam, her dream will be crushed.

Today’s text: a photo of her textbook next to a Starbucks latte, with, “Thinking of you as we both pursue our dreams.”

I’m trying to be patient with the idea that she sees her study sessions as equivalent to my shooting myself up with hormones, undergoing extensive lab tests, and determining my familial future. But I’m frankly irritated. Not only does my friend’s success depend entirely on her own hard work, but her worstcase scenario is that ... she fails an exam and has to take it again.

I’m super-emotional right now, but am I crazy? This is weird, right? What should I say that doesn’t belittle her, but also makes this stop?

— Not the Same Thing!

Not the Same Thing!:

Using whatever means available to do this safely: Have the in-person, “I know you mean well, but ...” conversation. Say you’re really rooting for her, of course — but if you don’t spell out that you’re uncomfortable with this “journey” coupling, and why, then you’re going to start avoiding this friend.

Dear Carolyn:

To: “Same Thing”: I’m also currently doing IVF, and got a three-year graduate degree in 22 months, and there is zero comparison.

Most people are so [bleeping] clueless about IVF and don’t treat it like the complex medical situation it is. A New York Times article discussed research showing the IVF stress level is comparable to that of cancer patients. Hopefully your friend isn’t so obtuse that she’d do this with a cancer patient; most think you should be positive because it’s baby related.