Partner’s depression has become exhausting to manage at home
Dear Carolyn: My partner is depressed. Clinically depressed. This stems in part from a job loss that occurred over a year ago, and no new job has been found. He has an appointment with a therapist through Medicaid and hopefully things will start improving.
But now I’m worried about me. I’ve been employed the whole time. So, I’m responsible for 100% of all our expenses.
Because of his depression, I’m also responsible for most cooking and cleaning, and all the mental energy to do anything — plan a grocery store trip, remind him to go to the résumé class for career changers, make appointments, know where his glasses are.
I am EXHAUSTED.
And might also be feeling some depression due to the pressure. I’m not sleeping. I’m crying whenever I’m by myself, because if I cry in front of him about something, he goes on and on about how he’s caused it, he’s stupid, and how I’d be better off without him. So,
I’m also responsible for reminding him he’s not stupid, he didn’t cause whatever is upsetting me, and I’m fine. I feel like I can’t do it any more.
And I can’t do therapy myself. I have an $8,000 deductible. How can I afford a luxury like therapy? How do I manage my own emotions, and keep moving forward until his therapy starts working?
— Exhausted
Exhausted: I am sorry. Therapy is not a luxury, though. I understand the deductible, so what about a support group? NAMI offers programs for caregivers, including Family to Family: nami.org or 800950-6264. I suspect just talking to the help line staff will bring relief.
If you had any doubts that you’re in good company, allow fellow readers to dispel them. They recommended the following:
—Your partner’s therapist may be able to recommend some resources for caregivers. They also may be able to talk with you in a joint session with your partner about how to best support the partner while keeping your own sanity.
—Volunteering somewhere will get a depressed partner out of the house and give him people who depend on him. My husband did that and it gave him a purpose.