Who needs anger class? Retiree says all of us

Here’s an idea from someone who is 67 years old and feeling like he finally got in touch with anger suppressed since childhood.

We should offer anger management and violence prevention classes to children in schools, he said. Maybe this would help them choose a strategy other than a gun or fist for settling disputes.

Dan, a retiree living in West Allis, completed a program this summer called Beyond Abuse. He wound up in the class after being arrested for a domestic violence incident that grew out of an argument with his adult daughter.

“It was suggested by the judge, but not ordered, and also suggested by my attorney, but not ordered, that I attend a class about anger management. I thought about it and decided, you know what, maybe this isn’t such a bad thing,” Dan said.

He agreed to talk about the experience but asked me not to use his last name. He’s married, and their daughter was living with them at the time of the arrest in July 2017.

Born and raised in Milwaukee by a single mom, Dan said he grew up foodstamp poor. He was in his 30s before attending college. Over the years, he has worked as a machinist, auto mechanic, warehouse supervisor, factory worker and business consultant.

The squabble with his daughter turned physical and he threw her to the floor, causing bruises. He also had bruises from the altercation, but he was the one arrested. He felt like a switch flipped and he was acting on the rage of his younger self.

“I could have turned away. She could have turned away. That’s something I learned,” Dan said.

Beyond Abuse was offered at Sojourner Family Peace Center in Milwaukee. Dan went every Tuesday morning from January to June. About a dozen students on average, all male, were at each class, most of them younger than Dan and nearly all of them ordered to be there by the courts.

Dan expressed concern that the Beyond Abuse program for men was ending, though it’s still offered for women. Carmen Pitre, president and CEO at Sojourner, said they’re now partnering with the Alma Center in Milwaukee, which specializes in working with men to end the cycle of violence.

“We felt that the depth of the program at Alma was a little more than what we were doing. By shifting our focus, it allows us to focus on prevention more deeply with men and boys. So we’re launching a program in the first

quarter of next year for men and boys to explore healthy masculinity before a violent incident has happened,” Pitre said.

Most people don’t spontaneously resort to violence, Pitre said, and she agreed with Dan that we need to reach children when they’re young. Sojourner does outreach in schools.

“People learn violence in their relationships early on. Mostly kids learn it from zero to 5. They learn that violence works. They see it role modeled,” she said.

Dan praised the facilitators in his Beyond Abuse classes, mentioning Hendriel Anderson and Debra Fields by name. They helped him identify his trigger points and boundaries.

He pleaded no contest to disorderly conduct, and the domestic violence battery charge was dismissed. He showed the judge his certificate from Sojourner, and last month was ordered to pay a fine of $100.

Based on his experience, Dan recommends a class like Beyond Abuse for anyone who struggles with anger and violence issues.

They will learn answers, he said, even if they don’t know the questions to ask.