Harmful effects of bullying amplified online
Although least prepared for it, younger people are most likely to endure this wounding.
We continue to hear news of tragic suicides among kids, some younger than 10, stemming from bullying and social rejection.
Some of us express disbelief, considering such actions impulsive and drastically out of proportion. However, being thrown into the interpersonal wilderness by one’s tribe is painful enough for adults with years of life experience. For a young person, it can be devastating.
Research shows that interpersonal rejection is among the most agonizing psychological wounds humans endure. In fact, most people experience it not only as an emotion, but also as a physical injury characterized by a deep, visceral pain around one’s heart and guts. Neuroscience finds that areas of the brain responsible for emotional and bodily pain can and do overlap.
We don’t use terms like “broken heart” and “tore my guts out” as colorful metaphors alone. That’s how it can feel. And when you’ve occupied the planet for just a few years, kick it up a notch. If you ever had your heart broken as a teen, you know of what I speak.
Resilience, which is sorely needed in the face of rejection, arises from having suffered adversity and, with guile and good fortune, navigated it successfully. It’s tough to possess that capacity as a kid. Just not enough experiential mileage.
Although least prepared for it, younger people are most likely to endure this wounding. During these turbulent years of development, they struggle to sort out who they are and to whom they belong. Perhaps more than at any other time in their lives, they need validation and inclusion.
Youngsters and teens subjected to the kind of harassment and blacklisting that can lead to self-harm are mentally lacerated to the core. Usually, they either turn against themselves, as in selfdestructive behavior or suicide, or they strike out against most or all others in their social environment. Either choice ends poorly.
Ironically, those who respond to ostracism by withdrawing and then striking back at others often end up being perpetrators of the same emotional violence they endured in their lives. Through this vicious cycle, social rejection becomes self-replicating.
Today, our online world has taken this form of persecution to an entirely new and highly damaging level.
For example, in grade school, I was harassed by several older boys who had seemingly befriended me only to become bullies without warning. Painful as that was, I was able to escape. Once beyond their physical reach, it was over. In contrast, online harassment can be 24/7, anonymous (I saw my tormentors), and witnessed by a far greater audience.
Ostracizing someone who is different or disliked has been an interpersonal weapon for millenniums. “Us vs. them” hatred is fueled by underlying fear and emboldened by group think. Psychological lynch mobs can emerge in families, classrooms, workplaces, political groups, congregations and communities, including online ones.
In their wakes, these haters leave social exiles who, eventually, do violence to themselves or others.
Blood is on their hands.
Philip Chard is a psychotherapist, author and trainer. Email Chard at outofmymind@philipchard.com or visit philipchard.com.