Wedding planning gets very awkward

DEAR AMY >> Three years ago, I successfully followed your advice on how to manage my boyfriend's codependent family.

We are now engaged! Through therapy my fiancé; and I have learned to navigate their emotional immaturity and have grown immensely as a couple as a result.

I am now wondering about wedding planning. What are the expectations around including in-laws who do not act as though they want to be included?

Immediately after getting engaged my family began expressing excited enthusiasm for our plans.

His mother could not even crack a smile on the day of the engagement.

His family has not mentioned the engagement a single time since it happened.

It seems incredibly awkward and presumptuous to say to his parents, “Would you like to be included financially in the wedding planning?” or even, “We have started to plan, would you like to be involved?” when his family did not even congratulate us on the engagement. What should we do?

— Mixed Emotions

DEAR MIXED >> You seem averse to awkwardness, and yet — so much of wedding planning is awkward.

Understand that whenever you accept someone's money, there is a likelihood that they will interpret this as you basically “partnering” with them. Decide if you really want to ask for or accept money from people who have extreme boundary issues, and are also completely disinterested.

Is his family interested in hosting a rehearsal dinner? You could ask them if they're interested in taking that on and hosting it.

Otherwise, invite them as guests, save seats for them in the front of the venue, include them in photographs.

Remember that you and your guy are a team, and stick with your therapy.

DEAR AMY >> With the holidays coming up, it is time for something I detest — GROUP HOLIDAY TEXTS!

I'd like to announce that if you are really serious about wishing ME a Happy/Merry/Whatever, please take just a few seconds to send something personal to me instead of grouping me together with everyone in your contacts list.

You get that initial text, then your phone continues to go off all day long with people you don't even know replying “You too,” “Happy holidays to you and your family,” “We need to get together soon!”

One day I got 46 responses from people and I have no idea who they are.

My wife thinks I'm being a Scrooge. — Scrooge

DEAR SCROOGE >> I'm now wondering if Charles Dickens' original inspiration for the Scrooge character came from receiving 46 texts on Christmas Eve from people he didn't know.

I admit that I did not know until now that Merry Christmas group texts are a “thing.”

You should do a quick internet search to see how to remove yourself from these chains, or “mute” the conversation.