I want my broke kids at my funeral

Q: I love my kids but, I have to face it, they are just always broke. They live across the country and if I were to become sick or when I die, they won't have the money to come to help me or even attend my funeral. I plan to give everything to them, but if I give them money now and tell them to use it to come see me when I need them, I know they will blow it all before then and be in the same boat. Do you have any suggestions on how to make sure they can get here when I need them?

A: The best way to address your situation is to make sure the person you have named to handle your estate should you become incapable of doing so knows about the situation and your wishes. Your trustee or personal representative should know they are authorized to pay the costs for your kids to come in such an event. I would suggest that your trustee be authorized to buy plane tickets, pay for their lodging and perhaps provide them with a stipend while they are visiting for meals and other expenses. Work with your attorney to make sure your wishes are reflected in your documents so your trustee is clear on your wishes.

You say you are leaving your estate to them when you die? I hope you have considered leaving the money in trust for their benefit. Some parents in similar situations shrug their shoulders and say, “If they blow through it all in a week, so be it.” Others take a more measured approach and set up trusts for their children that distribute over time. A trustee can be directed to give them some funds right away and then the rest over a period of years. It would be a shame to have worked your whole life, saved, and invested only to have your child “blow it” over a short period of time and end up broke again.

Q

: My friend “Susie,” named me as her agent in her Advance Health Care Directive. A couple years later, Susie's boyfriend moved in with her. Susie is now hospitalized and not expected to recover and I am faced

with the decision of when to “pull the plug.” The boyfriend is trying to make her doctors listen to him and is insisting on all kinds of care measures that I know Susie would not want. He

says he has lived with her and knows her better. So far, the doctors are listening to me and not him but the boyfriend says he is going to speak with a lawyer. Susie and I have been friends forever and we talked a great deal about her desires under these kinds of circumstances. I also know she wants to be

buried and her boyfriend is insisting she changed her mind and wants to be cremated. If the boyfriend gets a lawyer, can I be shoved aside? I stay awake at night worried that I won't be able to help her as she expected that I would.

A

: Close your eyes and get some sleep. The

laws are very clear on this point: “Unless the power of attorney for health care provides otherwise, the agent designated in the power of attorney who is known to the health care provider to be reasonably available and willing to make health care decisions has priority over another person in

making health care decisions for the principal.” You are her agent, she asked for your help. You are a good person in a very difficult situation but you are, perhaps and unfortunately, the one who has the control in this situation.

years of experience in the estate planning and trust fields and is a licensed professional fiduciary. Liza currently serves as president of Monterey Trust Management. This is not intended to be legal or tax advice. If you have a question, call (831) 646-5262 or email liza@ montereytrust.com