Monterey Herald

Trapped in snowbank, wife wants out

- Contact Amy Dickinson via email, askamy@ amydickins­

DEAR AMY >> I am 64 and retired. My husband is 62 and has his own homebased business.

He said he was going to retire, but now he's saying he will just work part time so that we will have extra money “to play.”

We moved to an extremely small town, which has very few entertainm­ent opportunit­ies. It entails over two hours of driving to get all but the most basic of medical care.

Most of the women here grew up with their friends, and are not welcoming.

There is also snow on the ground for six months of the year, and I have physical problems that make it difficult and risky for me to walk in snow.

My husband is happy here. He has friends through his work and doesn't really care about spending time with people.

He's an outdoor guy. All I do is watch TV with him or wait for him to not be working.

I want to move to a place where I have more options for friendship and entertainm­ent, but he refuses to move.

He doesn't like to travel, and I am afraid the rest of my life will be spent living in this fishbowl where I can only look outside and be alone.

He rejects the idea of looking for another place, and becomes angry when I bring it up. What should I do now?

— Trapped Wife

DEAR TRAPPED >> Your husband's “play fund” seems to apply only to him. There doesn't seem to be much play in your life.

I assume that you have done your utmost to engage in the social life of your chilly home. Joining book groups, volunteeri­ng at the library, or getting a part-time job would help to keep you engaged and active.

You are unhappy. You are cold. Your health is at risk. You have not adjusted to life in this place.

For the remainder of this winter, you might spend time researchin­g options. Do you have friends or family members living in more congenial locales? If so, you should look into alternativ­es for places to stay for at least the worst of the winter. You might be able to rent or share a room in an affordable area.

My overall point is that you obviously feel trapped, but perhaps you should not look to your husband for solutions.

DEAR AMY >> I'm still bothered by the letter from “Anonymous,” a self-described “manchild” who wants no kids, pets, home — or any adult responsibi­lities.

I wonder who he thinks will take care of him when he needs care?

— Grown Up

DEAR GROWN UP >> Caregiving in elder years isn't the only reason to have children, but — if you raise them right — kids can certainly come in handy.

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