Man threatened by wife’s conversations with ex
DEARABBY » My husband, “Daryl,” gets furious every time I talk to my ex, my two oldest kids’ father. The only thing we discuss is my kids’ issues, but Daryl loses it completely. He starts calling me names and says I don’t respect hime ven though I do. I keep assuring him that there’s nothing inappropriate being talked about (he is present during all the conversations since we talk over the phone and live in different states).
I don’t knowwhat to do anymore. My kids are 14- and 13-year-old girls, who are going through all these crazy teenage issues, which obviously, as their parents, my ex and I have to sometimes talk about, and it’s not even that many calls. I’m wondering if this is normal because I’ve only been in two relationships in my life. I’m 33, and I feel like a goofball for not knowing what to do.
— Tough Situation
in Texas
DEAR TOUGH SITUATION»
No, it is not normal. Your husband’s jealousy and insecurity are over the top. You have a responsibility as the mother of two teenage daughters to see them through this time of great transition, and if you feel their father is in a better position to provide input than your husband, you have a right to seek it.
It’s time to talk about this with a licensed marriage and family therapist because Daryl’s behavior is abusive. If it isn’t stopped, it may escalate. Do it now because if the verbal abuse continues and your daughters witness it, they will grow up thinking it’s normal behavior, and it will negatively affect their relationships with men later.
DEARABBY » I have been diagnosed with PTSD by my doctor. I thought only people who have been in military combat would receive a PTSD diagnosis.
I have had a lifetime of verbal abuse from my mother. Once she had broken my spirit with rants of “dummy,” “stupid” and “I wish you had never been born,” I was easy prey for my older brother. To get laughs, he never misses a chance to make fun of me in public.
On second thought, I guess I HAVE been through combat. Do you have any ideas how to make life somewhat bearable?
— Constantly
Hurting
DEAR CONSTANTLY » I sure do! Ask your doctor for a referral to a psychotherapist with expertise in family dysfunction and PTSD. Then make it a practice to AVOID abusive people who seek attention by ridiculing and belittling others. If you do, your life will improve immeasurably. Contact Dear Abby at www.dearabby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in “What Every Teen Should Know.” Send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)