Daughter tired of hearing question about late mother
DEAR ABBY » Last year my mother passed away after a 15-year battle with lung cancer. When I tell people she died, I am not bothered if they ask what she died from. However, more often than not, when they learn she died of lung cancer, they proceed to ask me if she ever smoked. It’s so upsetting! Why would they ask this? Because she got what she deserved if she did?
Without answering their rude question, I explain that my mother had a rare, slow-growing type of cancer that afflicts nonsmokers (which is true). Am I overreacting to this insensitive question, or is there something I’m missing? — Motherless
Daughter
DEAR MOTHERLESS » Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your mother. People ask this question for a variety of reasons. Curiosity is one of them. However, I think there’s also an element of fear involved — was this the death of an innocent, or did the person do something to bring it on? Because lung cancer is linked so strongly to smoking and secondhand smoke, people often forget that nonsmokers can get it.
While I understand why you would be especially sensitive to the question, I think you should answer it honest-ly.
DEAR ABBY » I have been in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend for four years. He works for a company that takes him all over the country. We see each other sometimes once a month for three to five days. Other times we don’t see each other for two months. He is 62, and I’m 55. He has looked for a job in my hometown, but never gets an interview, probably because of his age. I have a stable job with retirement benefits that I cannot leave.
I have broken up with him several times, but we always get back together. He is kind and treats me well. I worry I won’t find that again, but I’m tired of doing things by myself. I have often asked him what the future holds for us, and he can never give me an answer.
Because he doesn’t have retirement benefits, he will have to work until he can get on Medicare. I can’t wait three more days much less three more years. I guess I’m asking you what should I do.
— Anxious in
Arizona
DEAR ANXIOUS » You didn’t mention whether you and this man love each other or if you are seeing other people, but I’m advising you to leave your options open, because there are no guarantees as far as your boyfriend is concerned.