FAT CHANCE!
CAGED HITMAN TRIED SLIMMING DOWN TO SLIP OUT OF CELL
AMASSIVE Mafia hitman allegedly planned to diet his way into an escape from a maximum-security Brooklyn, N.Y., jail — but wound up getting his just desserts instead!
According to a recently released FBI report, 350-pound Christopher Londonio’s elaborate plot involved losing 200 pounds to slither through his cell window and use bedsheets he’d been stockpiling so he could descend eight stories to the parking lot below.
Londonio was behind bars for racketeering and being the wheelman in the 2013 slaying of rival hitman Michael Meldish.
To accomplish his lofty weight-loss goals, the corpulent criminal ate “lots of bran and exercised furiously — running up and down the stairs separating the tiers in his unit and doing chin-ups,” according to the report.
Londonio allegedly involved other co-conspirators in his exit strategy! One pal’s mission was to smuggle “a diamond-tipped hacksaw blade” into the Metropolitan Detention Center for the beefy button man “to cut through the steel window guards” of his cell. Londonio planned to make the break along with a convicted killer and hide out at a home in upstate New York, the FBI report said.
The chubby chump even schemed to make a stopoff in the Bronx to off fellow mobster Matthew “Matty” Madonna, who had allegedly hired him for the Meldish murder, because he “disrespected” Londonio’s parents at the trial, authorities said. But his plan went belly-up when another prisoner gave the skinny on him, the feds said. The good news is Londonio lost so much weight a former mob associate didn’t even recognize him in court. Londonio pleaded not guilty to all charges and his lawyer called the details in the report “all false.”