Woman’s lies put marriage at risk

Dear Abby: I found out today that my wife was sexting with aman in another state. His girlfriend sent me a message, which included a series of screenshots. I had confronted my wife regarding this prior to receiving the messages, but she swore she had sent only ONE topless photo and nothing else. After I reviewed the messages, I saw much more.

She claims “she doesn’t remember everything,” which I find hard to believe. Worse, they had planned tomeet. She claims she didn’t, but I saw a message saying that once I went back home, she would stay an extra week with our son so he could “spend more timewith the grandparents”— and she could maneuver to meet up with him. She claims she didn’t, but I can’t believe her.

I know you will recommend marriage counseling, but beyond that process, is there anything I should do?

Lost in the East

Dear Lost: Has your wife always been thisway, or is this behavior something new? She seems to be severely allergic to the truth. By all means, attempt marriage counseling if she is willing. However, if she isn’t willing, have some counseling without her. And start interviewing attorneys to represent you inwhat is likely to be a divorce.

Dear Abby: I’m 59 and the oldest of four children.

Whenwewere kids, our parents were raging alcoholics. They smoked pot and were barely functioning adults. As the oldest, I was tasked with caring for and raising the other three. Wewere never close to our parents. Our father passed some years ago, which left our mom, who continued to live her booze-filled life. Shewas a terrible mother. She never protected us frommy father’s verbal and physical abuse. My brother still has nightmares about him.

Nowthat our mother has dementia, my siblings make a lot of effort to spend timewith her. I refuse to have anything to do with her. I have made my peace with it all, and I’m fine without what I never had. My siblings think I should “just get over it” because she can’t remember anything. Because she can’t remember doesn’t negate the fact that it happened. I’ve had a fantastic life and family without her. I’m truly happy. Am I wrong for standing strong onmy decision?

Resolute in Florida

Dear Resolute: Because your mother can no longer remember what a failure shewas as a parent doesn’t mean you must magically forget. She has reached a pointwhere she is beyond any help you can give her. Nowit’s time to take care of yourself.

Write to Dear Abby at P.O. Box 96440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or dearabby.com