Husband appears to be hiding his Facebook account

Dear Annie: My husband and I are in our early 60s. We plan to retire and travel soon. But the past year or so he seemed to become obsessed with his smartphone, holding his phone all the time and guarding it. I asked him if he had a Facebook account and he said no. But when I entered his cell number in the Facebook login and a common password we use, it came up with “invalid password.”

I asked him to be honest if he had a Facebook account. He yelled no and ran out of the room. Then, while he was at the store one day, I opened our iPad to read the news and the screen had a notification of a message or call from a woman. Her name had pink heart emojis around it. I have no idea who she is, as we don’t have any friends or family with that name.

We’ve had a few counseling sessions in which I told him that I saw the notification from the woman. He insists he doesn’t know her. I told him I’d meet him halfway, but he needs to be truthful or we can’t get this resolved. He still won’t budge. The counselor doesn’t believe his story either and told him so. After three sessions, she said he’s definitely nervous and hiding something, but that if everything else in the marriage is OK, maybe I need to let it go.

I cannot let it go! He says he loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but how can I believe him? What do you suggest?

Betrayed Wife Dear Betrayed Wife: You were wise to listen to your intuition around a year ago when it spoke to you about your husband behaving differently. Now it might be hard to hear that little knowing voice within. Your (understandable) anxiety and distrust are drowning it out.

So, I think you’ll get a clearer perspective on your marriage if you take some time to focus on yourself. Go on vacation with friends or alone, just to get away for a few days. Keep a journal. Begin a meditation practice. Enroll in some fitness classes. Take up a new hobby. The goal is to hush that maddening din of frustration, anger and fear so that you might once again hear your intuition loud and clear. Then let it guide you.

Note that none of this is meant to take the place of marriage counseling. Your counselor also offers crucial perspective and guidance, and I encourage you to keep going.