Husband’s younger friend has overstayed his welcome

Annie Lane is off this week. The following column was originally published in October 2016.

Dear Annie: My husband, “Bob” has befriended a man in his early 40s, “Martin.” This man has gotten in the habit of coming over to our house every day, uninvited.

They often hang out until the early morning hours. I feel deprived of my husband’s company. Martin has a girlfriend, who comes over sometimes, but she’s 20 years younger than I am, and we have nothing to talk about.

When Bob and I take time to go away together, we get along fine — that is, unless I try to talk about this problem. What should I do? Dear Lonely: Though it’s healthy for him to have friends, I agree that he should set better boundaries with Martin.

But I think the core issue here is that Bob’s not spending enough time with you. Set aside a weekly date night that is yours and Bob’s alone. Dear Annie: My girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. We met in grad school. She finished up in the spring and got a job up north, about a 12-hour drive away, while I stayed behind to finish school.

A good buddy of mine happens to live in the same city as she does. Recently, he sent me a screenshot from a dating app that shows you other people in your area who are looking to hook up. It was my girlfriend.

I immediately called and confronted her. She acted surprised by my anger, saying she was just using that app to make friends. She got angry and said it hurt that I didn’t trust her. By the time we got off the phone, I felt bad for doubting her. That night, I had a pizza delivered to her place as an apology.

But now I’m having second thoughts. Am I being paranoid? Dear Wondering: You should have sent that pizza to your buddy. He saved you a lot of trouble and an expensive move for a woman who clearly doesn’t think much of you — first cheating on you and then disrespecting your intelligence with a whopper like that. Time to crop her out of the picture.