Reader’s wife doesn’t understand why we have etiquette

Dear Annie: As a daughter of former hippies, my wife was not taught etiquette or social graces. Most of the time, her irreverence is charming to me, and her questioning of authority and societal norms is attractive.

When it comes to me, I tend to be a pleaser and thus try to have good manners.

I mentioned the other day that etiquette exists so that we are kind to others. My wife balked at that idea. She basically thinks that a bunch of old men in wigs sat down one day and decided, for example, that people should not chew with their mouths full. I think the rule that people should not chew with their mouths full exists because other people find open-mouthed chewing disgusting. Could you please give your thoughts on this?

Polite Guy Dear Polite Guy: I’m with you. Etiquette isn’t a set of irrelevant rules that some pinky-raising white-gloved elites impose upon the masses; it’s a living, breathing collective agreement of how we ought to communicate respect to one another.

Unfortunately, as with a second language, it’s much easier to learn politeness as a child than as an adult. I’m not sure how much you or I could change her mind on the subject at this point. But you’re not wrong for trying. And if she continues to scoff at manners, rest assured that her behavior reflects on her alone, not you.

Dear Annie: I’d like to share my response to “74-Year-Old Wallflower,” the lifelong bachelor who was wondering how to break in to dating:

Buy some dancing shoes and take up ballroom dancing! You’ll learn a skill that deters aging, improves memory, gets you moving, makes you happy and gets you socializing with wonderful people. The benefits of social dancing are amazing, and you can usually find classes at your local senior center or American Legion post, or you can learn super fast by signing up for private lessons at a local dance studio. In no time, “Wallflower,” you will become a bright and happy daisy on the dance floor.

Janet S.

Dear Janet: You are not the only person who wrote in to say that “74-Year-Old Wallflower” should take up ballroom dancing.