New Haven Register (Sunday) (New Haven, CT)
From comic to life coach
‘Queen of Mean’ now helps others get their lives in order
Lisa Lampanelli used to be known as the Queen of Mean, best known for her wicked comedy roasts and insult stand-up.
Now she’s the “queen of meaning” — or even “meditation.” “Motivation” also works.
Whatever, it’s a whole new her — actually, nearly a half new her, since losing 100 pounds through bariatric surgery six years ago, not to mention minus a husband and deep-sixing a thriving career in comedy, replacing it with a calling to help other people.
Since announcing her retirement from comedy and her career switch on Sirius’ “The Howard Stern Show” on Oct. 30 to become a life coach, her life is fuller than ever, she says. With private clients, seminars, storytelling workshops and no doubt a book down the line, Lampanelli has no regrets.
“It was the best day of
my life,” she says from her stylish beachfront home in Fairfield, which she shares with her shaggy teacup of a dog Parker. She is not far from Trumbull, where she grew up.
There’s a zen-like quality to her surroundings. A series of small Asian statuary decorate the steps of the main entrance, signaling a cool karma to those fearing the return of the attack comic.
At 57, Lampanelli looks svelte, chill and hipster chic, sporting aviator glasses and a short, partially buzzed haircut colored with shades of ice and whispers of blue.
The decision to “turn a 180,” going from insult comedy to someone who cares began in 2013 when her father became ill. “The time I helped taking care of him felt better than anything I had done in 30 years. ‘Wow,’ I thought. I don’t like the lack of doing something good for somebody. I just wanted to do something that helps people. I wanted to find that same joy and fizzy thing I felt when there’s an open mike. “Someone asked me years ago to name my 10 greatest accomplishments and after I did she said, ‘Do you realize that nothing you listed had to do with work?’ It all had to do with friends and family and I thought, ‘Oh my god, I don’t have to be attached to a career.”
The final decision to officially retire was made more than a year ago. But she needed to plan for it financially, become certified by Oprah’s life coach Martha Beck, and find a way to announce it publicly “or else the universe won’t know and the authenticity won’t be out there.”
The response was overwhelming. Media personality Dr. Drew (Pinsky) contacted her that night. Then talk show host Wendy Williams. “And I just did a Dr. Oz and now all these people are emailing me to be life coached or have me do workshops or speaking engagements. After I was on Dr. Drew I must have had 500 emails from people who were looking for help.”
But did anyone think this was one big joke?
“One guy asked me if he was being set up when we started talked about life coaching. My heart went out to him. He was so sweet. He said, ‘Promise me this isn’t a trick or anything.’ I go, ‘Dude, it is not and I don’t blame you for asking.’ No one ever asked me that again.”
Lampanelli says she is doing things her way, only taking clients and gigs where she feels she can do the most good and bring the most joy. “I retired from comedy with the pure goal of doing for service and I’m not doing anything just for money.”
But she says her kind of guidance is different from others. “It seems that everyone who has put out a selfhelp book is already healed — or claims to be. But I’m still a work in progress.”
What would she life-coach herself about? “I’m going through a big one now which is trying to change my ways of communicating. I want to really think things through before I speak and before things get heated. I don’t want to be that ‘I’m-always-right’ person. So there’s a workshop for me to lead on that — eventually.”
Does she miss the comedy, the stand-up, the roasts?
“I couldn’t miss anything less,” she says, though she admitted to a recent twinge. “I was watching an awards show — and I used to live tweet a lot, but it was always snarky and sarcastic — and that was the first time I thought I wish I could say something. But then I thought, ‘You know what? There’s enough people out there doing that.’ It’s not that I hated [doing comedy]. It’s like me and my ex-husband, Jimmy. We got a divorce before we hated each other. That’s the way to do it. And I quit my career before I hated it.”
What would she as a life coach tell her younger self? “Be brave when it comes to being alone. I used to be serial monogamist. From age 12 to 50 always had a boyfriend or was engaged or had a husband. I needed that, but it was co-dependency and I worked on it and I got to the point where I’m feeling that it’s so great to be alone. I’m not anti-marriage. I would have never worked on this stuff if I wasn’t by myself. If I’m meant to meet someone I will. But no Tinder! When I’m 80 maybe I’ll meet someone, who knows?
Lampanelli did a stint on “Celebrity Apprentice 5” in which she was fired by the man who is now the president. (She also “roasted” him twice.)
So some coaching for the man who fired her? “I don’t think you can life coach a narcissist. That’s a real block. They don’t ask for help because they think they’re right. You can’t help someone who won’t be helped.”
“Fat Chance: An Evening of Conversation and Story with Lisa Lampanelli” and hosted by Frank DeCaro will be presented at the Ridgefield Playhouse Thursday, April 11.